Courage & Fear

I have been thinking a lot about courage lately. 

Over the past 6 months, I have waves of fear and anxiety that come over me every few days. They last anywhere from a few minutes to hours. It's a sense of dread, failure, guilt and loss of control that floods my mind. It makes me feel nervous and tired. I hate it.

I talk to God about it a lot. I don't anticipate he will take it away - I don't think he works that way. I think he expects me to deal with it, act like a man, and keep going. The pattern in the bible for growth is to face fear, not lose heart and wait for God to do good.

If I give in to this fear, what will happen? I think I will turn inward to focus on myself - my own pain, sadness and sense of loss. I will become useless to my family and friends. I will suck up their energy with my self-absorption. 

St. Augustine coined the phrase "Incurvatus in se", which means "man turned in on himself" as the definition of sin and failure. I can see how this could happen to me. So I'm figuring out how to live with it and still move forward each day. I will not let it control me, God willing.

I like what Paul wrote: Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. For me, it's exactly to the point.

God, help me to overcome my fear and have courage. I want to turn outward to you and others in the midst of all this.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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