Doing What God Wants

Pay attention to the people God puts in your path if you want to discern what God is up to in your life.
- Henri Nouwen

Sometimes I think I know what God wants, other times I'm not so sure - and sometimes he writes it on the side of a bus and runs me over with it...

I got an email from someone yesterday. He said he needed my help - one of his employees had a son that died of suicide a month ago, and the man was having a very difficult time (who wouldn't?). He asked me if I would meet with the man to talk. I said I would.

I met with the unfortunate man today during lunch - and I saw myself two years ago: totally blindsided, in a dense fog, terrified of what will happen next. Every word, every thought, the smallest interaction hurts beyond description. Can't sleep and always tired. Immensely concerned for his wife and kids. Wanting to do something that makes sense. Not attempting to avoid the pain. He has entered hell, and there is no getting out of it any time soon.

Our sons both died on the same date - Nov 6. Go figure.

After we talked, I came home, sat on the couch and stared into space for a couple of hours. I cried for him, for me, for our sons, for the whole mess. I had entered back into my own fog for a while - its like a flashback. It wears me out.

After just meeting, I hope we become friends. I think it would be good for both of us.

One of the hardest parts of grief is the loneliness you feel most of the time. It won't be very long before most people will just look down at their feet when he mentions that his son died. They will think that they don't know what to say, so best just to stay quiet. What a terrible thing to think and do - to take an opportunity to connect, to build someone up, and instead leave someone feeling more isolated. I did that until two years ago.

When he tells me about pain and death, I will look him in the eye and ask him to tell me more. For just a short time, I will reenter the fog and maybe relieve his loneliness. I can't fix any of his problems - I don't expect him to want that. I can only suffer a little while with him. I can listen and let him know I care.

For me, maybe I can add some meaning to my own loss. Maybe I can do him good by just being around and talking once a week. I honestly want my grief to count for something - to hopefully make a difference in someone else's life. I've spent too much of my life being greedy with my spirit, not realizing it can't grow while I protect it.

So I think in this small area, I'm doing what God wants.

About three thousand years ago, the prophet Micah wrote: The Lord has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

I'm not very good at any of these. God help me.

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Wednesdays | God is in control – My influence is weak 

- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven- 
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth

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