Three Years

It's been three years today since Caleb died. I miss him every day. It seems like it's been so long - a lifetime ago.

I'm so proud of Becky, Josh, Sam, and Nathan. Each of you have faced all of this openly, and tried to make some good come of it. I see compassion, commitment, and bravery all the time. As far as I'm concerned, you embody true faith and spirit. My hope is to always love you unconditionally, for who you are today, and in some small way to be like God.

I have found no healing or resolution in trying to understand why all this happened. I think it's good - and really hard - to explore my own guilt and contribution to it, but it doesn't seem to help me come to terms with anything.

For me, the only solution is to try do good to others with what I've learned.

I've learned God is there, right in the middle of the evil and the good. 

I've learned he cares a lot - about everyone, not just me. 

I've learned that his priorities and mine are not the same. I'm not even sure about what all of his are, and I'm still figuring out my own. 

I've learned that forgiveness is the only path that leads forward. Forgiving myself, Caleb, everyone around us - and God himself. 

I've learned that people are God's solution to most things. We are here for each other.

To all those who have walked with us in this - so many of you - I offer these words of Jesus as a form of appreciation:

Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, 

I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,

I was a stranger and you invited me in, 

I needed clothes and you clothed me, 

I was sick and you looked after me, 

I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

“Then the righteous will answer him, 

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 

When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 

When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

(The book of Matthew, Chapter 25).