Maybe he was afraid.
Maybe he didn't know what to say.
Maybe he had a similar loss he wasn't willing to revisit.
I honestly don't know.
I know this happens to a lot of people experiencing loss - they have some "friends" that just don't show up. When trouble comes, they disappear.
I'm lucky, I've had a number of friends that have hung in there with me. That being said, I've been trying to decide what my response should be to this guy.
I have to admit, my first thoughts have been along the lines of not wanting to waste my time with him. I've considered telling him he might work on being a better friend to others in the future, hopefully with some kindness on my part.
There is only one problem in deciding what I should do: I have done the same thing myself.
A few years ago, a friend of mine lost his wife - a good friend - and I didn't reach out to him for quite a long time. Why?
A few years ago, a friend of mine lost his wife - a good friend - and I didn't reach out to him for quite a long time. Why?
Maybe I was afraid.
Maybe I didn't know what to say.
I had never experienced a similar loss.
I honestly don't know - I failed.
How has he responded to me? He's said nothing, only continued to extend friendship. No questions, no embarrassment. He give me time to gain the courage to be the friend I should have been all along. Until recently, I didn't comprehend the grace he'd given me.
It's an ongoing challenge to not think of myself as better than other people.
It's an ongoing challenge to not think of myself as better than other people.
Jesus said: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
I guess I've figured out my response.
I have experienced both sides of this equation, the giver and the recipient. What I have learned is that until I have felt the same pain, one can not relate, for example but by the grace of God, I have not lost a child, so I do not know that pain, I have said good-bye to my husband, so I understand that pain and loss. We are all different in all ways, but so alike in so many ways. Today is difficult, I will be "losing" a family member, not by death, but by divorce. It will never be the same, it will be difficult, but I am determined not to judge, and to love and understand. My pain will be minimal by comparison to the children and the spouse. That pain I have experienced, and I know from experience, how friends scatter, families judge, take sides, become critical, my pastor at the time told me, death you can survive, divorce will go on forever. It is true, it is forever. My own divorce was 64 years ago, and I was blind-sided by a family member yesterday...(well that is almost, forever). So my comment is to be a true friend when a friend is suffering, Try to imagine walking in their shoes for not a mile, for for a block, think about how you might feel in those circumstances...so for the friend who says let's have lunch, say sure, today.
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