Caleb's Birthday

What do I write on a day like this, on the birthday of my son, Caleb, I lost almost 10 months ago?

I'm not sure. There are too many things to consider. I guess I don't have to write everything today, but I do want to capture my memories of Caleb - I worry I will loose some of them if I don't. I think I'm coming to the point sometime soon where I can start.

For today, for me, I want to remember my weekly prayer to God for my family...

God,

Bless my kids - Josh, Sam and Nathan. Bless Becky. They belong to you. Reach out to them, show them you love them. 

Forgive them where they have made mistakes. Take the burden of sin off of them - free them from it. Forgive because of your love and mercy, not because of anything they have done. Forgive them by grace, even when they can't ask for it.

My greatest desire is that they will connect with you in this life and for eternity. Connect with them, show them life - the life will be far beyond anything they can imagine.

I would give my own eternal life for theirs, if it were possible. Help me to give my life today for them, to do whatever I can to love them, encourage them and build them up. Help me to be kind and forgiving. I fail often - give me the strength to not give up - to keep going.

Thank you for Caleb being in our family, even though the time was too short. I will miss him every day of my life here. If possible, tell him I love him, care about him and miss him. He sees you clearly as you are.

We have been damaged as a family - I hope somehow good comes of it. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

Happy birthday Caleb. I miss you.

You always loved your birthday and getting presents, but I can't give you any that are wrapped up today. I can only tell you I love you.

Love, Dad

The Fall - Sunday

After God's questions and their answers, God inflicts the curse on mankind. Note that the curse is in three statements that follow the same pattern I've looked at this week. Next week I hope to look at it in depth.

Inflicting a curse doesn't seem to be a way to declare peace. On the surface it looks like the opposite.

I see the curse as a means to an end - that end being peace and eternity with God.

At the end of this section, God says: “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

So we are banned from the garden and cursed to struggle through this life. He didn't want us to stay in this state for eternity. He planned on resolving it - which involves our physical death, like it or not.

After looking at this for the past couple of weeks, here is what I think: 

• The only way we can grow is with testing as part of the process. 
• God intended for us to pass the test and eventually come to the realization that the tree of life was our destiny - then reach out and eat from it.
• He is not going to let our failure stop his plan, so he also planned for our "redemption" - our coming back to him through his own effort and sacrifice.
• Ultimately, we will reach out and eat from the the tree of life.

I think it's no mistake that in the very last chapter of the Bible it says: "On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse."

The curse is a tactic, a mitigation, to bring us to eternal life and peace with God.

God, thank you.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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The Fall - Saturday

God's third question and their answer:

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

I think Eve's response is slightly better than Adam's. She isn't blaming someone she has a relationship with - Adam or God - I think she is talking about being defeated.

Jesus said in the sixth Beatitude: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God

One of the interesting things about this story is that it doesn't give a whole lot of detail. I see it as very sophisticated in the message, but it leaves a lot of room for speculation. I end up writing "I think" a lot...

I think she is saying she did not have the capacity to resist the temptation - that she couldn't overpower Satan. A point of note: the temptation of Jesus was a "rerun" of this one (same pattern), but he did not fail.

It's an interesting idea to substitute Jesus responses to his temptation for Eve's in this story:

Satan said to Eve: “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” You should be able to eat anything you want.

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” What God says is more important than food.

Satan said to Eve: “You will not certainly die." God wouldn't follow through on his threat if you disobey.

Jesus answered Satan, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Believe what God says, don't test Him.

Satan said to Eve: “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” You will be God's equal. 

Jesus said to Satan, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” I am not His equal. I worship and obey Him.

Why weren't Adam and Eve able to stand up to this test like Jesus did? I don't know. I don't think its just about saying the right (magic) words. It's about being fully dedicated to God's agenda, not my own.

God, help me to withstand temptation. Help me to be driven by your agenda, not my own.

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Saturdays | My influence is good, and God will expand it
- Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God
- And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one

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The Fall - Friday

God's second question and their answer:

And God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Adam's response: God, you and the woman are to blame for this. It's everyone's fault but mine.

Eve did give him the fruit, but he's not interested in taking any responsibility.

Jesus said in the fifth Beatitude: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy

After sinning, Adam believed that throwing his wife under the bus might get him somewhere. He showed "no mercy".

I think most people despise those who throw others under the bus. We instinctively know its wrong.

Yet I have still done it. I often do it my thoughts - my "prayers".

    - If my wife were different...
    - If my kids were different...
    - If my friends were different...
    - If my church was different...
    - If my work was different...
    - If my world was different...

... then all these negative things wouldn't be in my life. It's pretty easy for me to buy into the lie.

But God has shown me that mercy and forgiveness (taking and receiving), build up my life. These free me and bring me joy. Great people forgive great wrongs.

God, help me to forgive every last little thing that has ever been wrongly done to me.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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The Fall - Thursday

God's first question and their answer:

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Adam and Eve went from "owning" almost everything in the garden to feeling exposed and hiding the bushes. They went from being full to being empty.

In the fourth Beatitude, Jesus said: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

Adam and Eve had a hunger for evil, and they believed it would give them more than they already had. I have to admit I'm right there, often believing the lie. Evil only took the good things away.

God asks them "Where are you?"

This has become one of the most significant questions in my spiritual life. I've discovered it's not my place to ask God "Where are you?", it's my place ask God, "Where am I? You are exactly where you belong."

Adam answers that he is now afraid of God and is hiding. His faith has been broken. It isn't that he no longer "believes in God", it's that he no longer willing to approach him.

God, I'm often in the wrong place. I'm often unwilling to approach you. I'm often feel empty.

God, you've shown me you are right here with me. You are approachable. You want the best for me.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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The Fall - Wednesday

The third test:

The serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

The interesting thing about this part of the deception is that it is literally true. The lie is the implication that good will come of disobedience, not bad.

Jesus said in the third Beatitude: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth

I think this Beatitude clearly portrays God's intention in this situation: "I have given you the power to disobey, don't use it. Do as I say, and you will inherit everything that's good in time."

Satan is saying: Cursed are the willingly obedient, they lose out.

Some interesting correlations (at least to me):

• The third thing Jesus tells us to pray is to have God's will done on earth - in other words, to obey what he's told us.
• The third day of creation is where God divides the land and sea. Later in the bible God tells Job, that he set limits for the sea and told it to obey: "here is where your proud waves halt".
• In the third temptation of Jesus, Satan offers him all the kingdoms of the earth “if you will bow down and worship me.” - to throw off obedience to God.
• The third thing Jesus says to Paul in his conversion is to get up off the ground and obey. At that point, Paul's eyes are "closed", where in this story, Adam and Eve's eyes are "opened". Too many correlations to consider at once...

At the heart of this, I think God is saying to me, "You need to obey me willingly. You have the power to disobey - don't use it - set it aside."

Here is my struggle: I often knowingly do wrong, thinking it's a shortcut to get what I think is "good". One of the worst areas has been me pushing my agenda on others, especially Becky and the kids - God forgive me.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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The Fall - Tuesday

The second test:

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.

Jesus said in the second Beatitude: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

I think Satan is saying to her: God will not separate himself from you over this. There will be no mourning if you eat the fruit.

It's easy for me to get wrapped up the small details of stories in the Bible, maybe too much. That being said, here are two things I think are really interesting:

• Where is the tree of life in all of this? Eve say's "the tree in the middle of the garden". There are two trees. I get a picture of her being so obsessed with the one thing she can't have, that she has totally overlooked the free offer of the fruit of life. 

• Eve says "we must not touch it". I have read how this was a mistake by adding to what God said. I guess if I start amending God's instructions, there will be no end to it.

This is not a "primitive" story. This is a story every parent today tries to teach their kids as they grow up: Don't get blinded to what you have right in front of you, by what you're obsessed over. Don't make the choices that lead to pain - don't investigate evil.

This is a story that applies to my life everyday.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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The Fall - Monday

It's interesting that the first conversations between God and people in the bible are really negative: The fall of Adam and Eve, and when Cain kills his brother Abel. This occurs right after God said everything he created was very good.

I found some information on "good" used in Genesis - it means functional, complete, works well. Also, the word "evil" in means dysfunctional, works poorly.

I think both these stories represent the exact opposite of what God wants from me. As with my other writing, I'll use the Beatitudes as my lens to look at it this week.

The first test:

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

... The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

... Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

There are so many interesting things to consider here. These are my top ones:

• Where is God during this conversation? Absent.
• God made the "crafty" serpent.
• The tree God told them not to touch is right in the middle of the garden - not out of the way or fenced off.
• The tree of life is there for the taking and gets ignored.

This is a set-up - a test.

I believe God orchestrated the whole thing, and serpent (Satan) is his agent. God is not the victim of a "crafty devil", as if he were powerless or caught off guard. This testing is obviously his intention. A note - Satan takes on the same role in the testing of Jesus, also in Job. 

Satan tries to convince Eve she is poor, that she's blocked from fruit of the trees in the Garden. If fact, she had everything - including the tree of life - except this one thing. She is rich.

Jesus said in the first Beatitude: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God

I think Satan is saying to her: Cursed are the rich, because there is one thing in God's kingdom you can't have.

I spend a lot of time worrying about what I don't have, rather than what I do have. I think about what's been taken from me far more than I consider what is still mine. It leads to chaos...

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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