The Nature of Jesus - Monday

I'm continually fascinated by Jesus. I guess when God becomes a human being with the intent to connect with us, I should expect no less. I want to spend this week considering who he is.

I'm looking at the first chapter of the gospel written by John and Paul's letter he wrote to the church in Phillippi (eastern Macedonia).

John starts out his account of Jesus with this:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Everything in the universe was made by him.

Life comes from him.

He is shining in the darkness - into my chaos - and my chaos can't block him out.

Paul wrote:

Jesus, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Jesus gave up his status, authority, power to enter into the world and serve us - to serve me. Not to judge or condemn me, but to reach out to me, to rescue me.

God, come into my darkness and rescue me.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Writing

Saint Augustine of Hippo wrote: I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write.

I guess I count myself as one of those as well. I haven't written anything for about three weeks, and I feel unsettled in my thoughts. Writing makes me come to some sort of conclusion about what I'm thinking and feeling.

John wrote this in a letter to Christians:

I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one.

Writing helps me confirm my ideas. It's often encouraging. Even though I'm really just writing to myself, it has a much larger effect than only thinking. I believe God wants me to learn and develop as I write and talk about him.

Moses wrote:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.

I guess this blog is my door-frame. It reminds me of who I am, who God is, and what he's done for me.

God, thank you for being good to me. Help me to write about how much you've done.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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Prayer

Prayer is a hard thing for me to define. There is not much to reading about it, hearing about it, or even thinking about it. All that really seems to matter is doing it.

As  I was talking with God last week, I had a moment of crystal clarity: It's not about getting what I want, or even what I need. It's not about seeing God work. It's not about my growth. It's about others. Intellectually I've known this for a long time, but somehow in that instant, it made it to my heart. 

Jesus said: Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

What does this cryptic statement mean? I think Paul, in his anguish, captured it: For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people.

Would I be willing to endure an eternity without God for the sake of my wife, kids, friends? Would I make that bargain? Do I have that much love for them above myself? I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't struggling with the answers.

So all this praying is not so much about asking for things or telling God my views. It's about others and understanding how I can do good for them. It's also digging into the depths of my self-interest and ego.

God, help me to be able to say "yes" - that I would be willing to endure whatever is needed for the good of those around me.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Encouragement

Beyond the question of "Do I have courage?" is an even more important one: "How can I help build courage in others?" I'm discovering that ultimately, all the important questions regarding Christianity are not inwardly focused, but outward.

What has given me the most encouragement? People listening to me, wanting to understand me. This comes from someone who is naturally a terrible listener.

When people have given me advice or input, it's only been encouraging when it's come out of listening first. To be clear, I appreciate all the effort people have put out for me, whether it's built me up or not. I'm humbled by the good intentions of others. I writing about this in an effort to understand how I can do my best.

David wrote: You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry - then God takes action to defend people in need.

This is what I will strive for: to listen, to understand - and then take action to help.

All these things: listening, understanding, kindness, compassion, patience are not my strengths, as I have posted earlier. They are like a tools in my hands I'm not familiar with - I'm clumsy with then and prone to use them poorly. I have to work with them, learn about them, practice using them.

I like what's written in the book of Hebrews: God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. 

God, help me to listen. Help me to be diligent in turning away from myself so I can understand and encourage others.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Courage - My Wife Becky

King Solomon wrote: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

In the midst of pain and fear, my wife Becky keeps me and our family going. She would sacrifice anything to make the load for the rest of us easier. She is the most selfless person I know. Her unwavering courage has given me strength and a few times put me to shame.

As we all mourn, she works to bring us comfort. She works to reduce the chaos in our lives and bring peace to our home. Her faith is alive - as James wrote: As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

I see that courage is not an attitude or feeling - it's hard work. Her load has been heavy, and I hope it lightens as time goes on, God willing. I will do everything I can to make it so.

God, thank you so much for Becky, her work, her faith, her courage.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Courage & Fear

I have been thinking a lot about courage lately. 

Over the past 6 months, I have waves of fear and anxiety that come over me every few days. They last anywhere from a few minutes to hours. It's a sense of dread, failure, guilt and loss of control that floods my mind. It makes me feel nervous and tired. I hate it.

I talk to God about it a lot. I don't anticipate he will take it away - I don't think he works that way. I think he expects me to deal with it, act like a man, and keep going. The pattern in the bible for growth is to face fear, not lose heart and wait for God to do good.

If I give in to this fear, what will happen? I think I will turn inward to focus on myself - my own pain, sadness and sense of loss. I will become useless to my family and friends. I will suck up their energy with my self-absorption. 

St. Augustine coined the phrase "Incurvatus in se", which means "man turned in on himself" as the definition of sin and failure. I can see how this could happen to me. So I'm figuring out how to live with it and still move forward each day. I will not let it control me, God willing.

I like what Paul wrote: Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. For me, it's exactly to the point.

God, help me to overcome my fear and have courage. I want to turn outward to you and others in the midst of all this.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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