In light of what I have been through in the past week, this can seem pretty harsh: God will do what he is going to do, regardless of what we want - just suck it up. Your son is gone, accept it.
True, God is in charge, but the concept goes way beyond this simple idea. God has the power and influence to do anything He wants, how He wants, and when He wants - but shares some of it with us.
In the creation story, on the third day, He sets the boundaries of the land, making the earth habitable for us. Similarly, for the the third beatitude Jesus teaches "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." What does all this mean to me? I think God has his agenda, but also wants us to be partners in it, with our own influence. He owns the space, and we can do something with it.
So, what can we do? We can put our "stamp" on the tragedy. We can reach out, be transparent, care about others - maybe with eternal influence (By the way, I'm not sure how all this works). I truly believe if we are willing to step up, we can have a hand in making good out of bad.
Why didn't He use his power to avert this? When I find out, I'll let you know. He didn't stop Cain killing Abel (get rid of the good one, leave the bad one - not the way I would do it), or David killing Uriah, or people killing Jesus, or Adam and Eve eating the fruit, or Israel botching it up lots of times. I don't have the answers on this - just observations: in each case He helped make good out of bad.
As I'm writing this, the fact that Jesus was raised on the third day comes to mind. God's power over death was demonstrated, so we can inherit eternal life. There are so much alignment in the bible, it gets hard to take it all in.
As I got home today, the clouds moved away and I got to look at Mt. Hood for a few minutes before dark. This was one of my favorite places to be with my son.
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