Two Years

Today, two years after Caleb died, there are so many things I could possibly write about. Where the first year was a year of misery, I think this past year was one of weariness of being very tired all the time.

I'm choosing to focus on my weekly prayer for the past two years. I pray about these things every Tuesday, as all this happened on that day. I actually set this process in motion a few weeks before Caleb died, not knowing what was coming - and I see the hand of God in it. (The original post about it)

This is what is important to me...

---

God, father in heaven - you are awesome, great, holy. Bring your kingdom here - connect with us, allow us to know you, see you, hear your voice.

Blessed are those who mourn - this is me, this is my family. Be with us.

God, bless Becky, Josh, Sam and Nathan. Forgive them for anything they have done wrong. Forgive them because you're a compassionate and loving God, not wanting to hold anything against us. Lighten their load if possible - take away any burdens of guilt and worry.

Thank you for Becky, her heart, her strength. She would do anything possible for our good, she is my example.

Thank you for Josh, his friendship, his honesty. He is a source of strength to me.

Thank you for Sam, her compassion, her goodness She is an encouragement to me.

Thank you for Nathan, his commitment, his insight. He brings me hope.

God, be kind and compassionate to them. Reward them for the good they have done to me and others. Reach out to them - I hope they can see you.

I hope only good comes to them. I hope their lives are filled with happiness, friendship and success.

If bad must come, I ask that it comes to me instead. I don't begin to understand how all this works, but if possible, I would take any pain and trouble from them on to myself. If that's not possible, be close to them in all they must go through.

Forgive me for all I've done wrong to them. Show me where I fail them - I hope I have the courage to change. Remind me often to be kind.

God, I miss Caleb every day. If possible, please tell him I love him, I miss him, I forgive him for all the pain, and I look forward to being with him again. Also, if possible, tell him I need his forgiveness for all I've done wrong. God, bless him - he sees you face to face.

As a family, give us the compassion and strength to reach out to those who are also in pain and loss. Make our home a place where people can come with their fear and doubt and be comforted. Make us like you.

Thank you for all the people who have been good to us, who have chosen to walk with us, not avoid our pain. I see you in them. There are too many to list here. I hope you reward them.

God, you are all powerful and all knowing, and you still chose to let death and pain enter into our family. You have also brought goodness and help. I don't understand most of this - but I have learned one thing: all this happens so that you would be known, and that we would reach out to you. To me, my family, our friends, those we have touched - make yourself known.

---

Tuesdays | God is building a people – My relationships are broken

- Your kingdom come

- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted