The Fall - Wednesday

The third test:

The serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

The interesting thing about this part of the deception is that it is literally true. The lie is the implication that good will come of disobedience, not bad.

Jesus said in the third Beatitude: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth

I think this Beatitude clearly portrays God's intention in this situation: "I have given you the power to disobey, don't use it. Do as I say, and you will inherit everything that's good in time."

Satan is saying: Cursed are the willingly obedient, they lose out.

Some interesting correlations (at least to me):

• The third thing Jesus tells us to pray is to have God's will done on earth - in other words, to obey what he's told us.
• The third day of creation is where God divides the land and sea. Later in the bible God tells Job, that he set limits for the sea and told it to obey: "here is where your proud waves halt".
• In the third temptation of Jesus, Satan offers him all the kingdoms of the earth “if you will bow down and worship me.” - to throw off obedience to God.
• The third thing Jesus says to Paul in his conversion is to get up off the ground and obey. At that point, Paul's eyes are "closed", where in this story, Adam and Eve's eyes are "opened". Too many correlations to consider at once...

At the heart of this, I think God is saying to me, "You need to obey me willingly. You have the power to disobey - don't use it - set it aside."

Here is my struggle: I often knowingly do wrong, thinking it's a shortcut to get what I think is "good". One of the worst areas has been me pushing my agenda on others, especially Becky and the kids - God forgive me.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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The Fall - Tuesday

The second test:

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.

Jesus said in the second Beatitude: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

I think Satan is saying to her: God will not separate himself from you over this. There will be no mourning if you eat the fruit.

It's easy for me to get wrapped up the small details of stories in the Bible, maybe too much. That being said, here are two things I think are really interesting:

• Where is the tree of life in all of this? Eve say's "the tree in the middle of the garden". There are two trees. I get a picture of her being so obsessed with the one thing she can't have, that she has totally overlooked the free offer of the fruit of life. 

• Eve says "we must not touch it". I have read how this was a mistake by adding to what God said. I guess if I start amending God's instructions, there will be no end to it.

This is not a "primitive" story. This is a story every parent today tries to teach their kids as they grow up: Don't get blinded to what you have right in front of you, by what you're obsessed over. Don't make the choices that lead to pain - don't investigate evil.

This is a story that applies to my life everyday.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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The Fall - Monday

It's interesting that the first conversations between God and people in the bible are really negative: The fall of Adam and Eve, and when Cain kills his brother Abel. This occurs right after God said everything he created was very good.

I found some information on "good" used in Genesis - it means functional, complete, works well. Also, the word "evil" in means dysfunctional, works poorly.

I think both these stories represent the exact opposite of what God wants from me. As with my other writing, I'll use the Beatitudes as my lens to look at it this week.

The first test:

Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

... The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

... Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

There are so many interesting things to consider here. These are my top ones:

• Where is God during this conversation? Absent.
• God made the "crafty" serpent.
• The tree God told them not to touch is right in the middle of the garden - not out of the way or fenced off.
• The tree of life is there for the taking and gets ignored.

This is a set-up - a test.

I believe God orchestrated the whole thing, and serpent (Satan) is his agent. God is not the victim of a "crafty devil", as if he were powerless or caught off guard. This testing is obviously his intention. A note - Satan takes on the same role in the testing of Jesus, also in Job. 

Satan tries to convince Eve she is poor, that she's blocked from fruit of the trees in the Garden. If fact, she had everything - including the tree of life - except this one thing. She is rich.

Jesus said in the first Beatitude: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God

I think Satan is saying to her: Cursed are the rich, because there is one thing in God's kingdom you can't have.

I spend a lot of time worrying about what I don't have, rather than what I do have. I think about what's been taken from me far more than I consider what is still mine. It leads to chaos...

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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A hard day & week

I have tried my best not to make the loss of my son Caleb the constant topic of my conversations and writing. It could easily become an obsession, and I fight against it every day. It's with me every time I wake up and again as I fall asleep.

There are days like today, and weeks like this one, where I miss him so much. I don't know what triggers it - why this week and not last week - but when it comes, it comes like a freight train.

After nine months, I still struggle to understand what I'm to do with all this misery and loss. I see everyone in our family hurting over it, and there is no fixing it. If I could, I would take every bit of it on myself - but that's not an option. I can see more of it on the way in the coming months.

This is a nightmare.

I'm not without hope, but that doesn't solve what hurts. God is often very close to me, and I'm thankful for that. I don't know why he's chosen me in this way - I just accept it. He doesn't restore the amputation - he helps me figure out how to live with it and learn from it.

King David wrote: The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Not that I'm a righteous person: So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."

So I come back to the simplest of points: I trust God and believe he will take care of all of us. Faith like a child is all I really have.

Revelation - Letter Seven

This letter is about peace.

The seventh Beatitude: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God

The seventh letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Jesus says, "You think you're rich, but you're actually poor." This makes me ask myself: Are there things that I think are worth something to God that he thinks are worthless? I think should I ask what they are, not if they exist...

Then he goes on to say, "Do business with me. Buy the things from me that are worth something - the things that will make you whole and heal you."

He tells them he loves them, and with that comes discipline. Finally he says that he is ready to come in and spend time with them, be friends with them, make peace with them.

In biblical times, to eat together was a sign of friendship and peace.

Isaiah wrote:

On this mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine - the best of meats and the finest of wines. On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.

In that day they will say, “Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the Lord, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”

God, I look forward to that day. We sit and eat with you face to face.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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Revelation - Letter Six

This letter is about honesty.

The sixth Beatitude: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God

The sixth letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:

These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars - I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth.

I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Points of honesty:
    - These are the words of Jesus, who is holy and true.
    - You have kept my word and not denied me.
    - Those that lie will be made to tell the truth.

I really like the imagery of the door no one can shut and being a pillar in temple of God. I think he's saying, you have access to the presence of God - you will get to see him forever.

God, I want to see you forever. I don't want distance or barriers between us.

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Saturdays | My influence is good, and God will expand it
- Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God
- And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one

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Revelation - Letter Five

This letter is about God's mercy.

The fifth Beatitude: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy

The fifth letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Sardis write:

These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.

Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. The one who is victorious will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out the name of that person from the book of life, but will acknowledge that name before my Father and his angels. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Jesus calls them hypocrites. They are in such a bad state that they are about to die. What does he ask them to do? Wake up and strengthen what they do have.

Does he ask them to make up for what they have done wrong? No.

Does he tell them they are going to pay some price for their foolishness? No.

Does he tell them since they have failed there is no longer any hope? No.

He is merciful. He only asked for their willingness to see their real state and change - and live.

He also makes it clear that if they are not willing, they will pay a price in the future.

I feel this time and again: God says "Come to me. All I ask is willingness to look at yourself, change and live - everything is forgiven."

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Revelation - Letter Four

This letter is about being dedicated to doing good.

The fourth Beatitude: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled

The fourth letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Thyatira write:

These are the words of the Son of God, whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze. I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first.

Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.

Now I say to the rest of you in Thyatira, to you who do not hold to her teaching and have not learned Satan’s so-called deep secrets, ‘I will not impose any other burden on you, except to hold on to what you have until I come.’

To the one who is victorious and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations - that one ‘will rule them with an iron scepter and will dash them to pieces like pottery’ - just as I have received authority from my Father. I will also give that one the morning star. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Jesus says:
    - You are growing in doing good, but you still tolerate evil.
    - That evil will lead good people to do bad things.
    - I will stomp out the evil myself.
    - I will make those got involved with it suffer, so they go back and do good again.
    - To those who don't tolerate evil, just keep doing the good your doing.

God, help me to want to do good and actually do it. Search my heart and mind - cut out the bad and fill me with your spirit.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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Revelation - Letter Three

This letter is about power and influence.

The third Beatitude: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

The third letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Pergamum write: 

These are the words of him who has the sharp, double-edged sword. I know where you live—where Satan has his throne. Yet you remain true to my name. You did not renounce your faith in me, not even in the days of Antipas, my faithful witness, who was put to death in your city—where Satan lives.

Nevertheless, I have a few things against you: There are some among you who hold to the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to entice the Israelites to sin so that they ate food sacrificed to idols and committed sexual immorality. Likewise, you also have those who hold to the teaching of the Nicolaitans. Repent therefore! Otherwise, I will soon come to you and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.

This letter is to people who are living in the seat of evil power, and they are still remaining faithful. Even under threat, they hang in there.

Jesus warns some among them to stop using what influence they do have to do harm - or he will come do harm to them. Speech is a weapon - for good or for bad.

I get this image of a group of people: some of them bearing up under oppression - looking to God for significance; some who try to have power over others, even in a small way, to feel significant.

The theme of words as a weapon is throughout the bible...

From the book of Hebrews: For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 

From the book of Hebrews: Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

From King David: Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from the plots of evildoers. They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows. They shoot from ambush at the innocent; they shoot suddenly, without fear.

So God asks me to choose the path of meekness. Not matter what others may do to me, it stays with me. I need to absorb it, stay true to me beliefs, and never take it out on anyone else. 

God, forgive me - as much as I don't want to - when I'm under pressure, I sometimes take things out on others. Help me to keep silent.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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Revelation - Letter Two

This letter is filled with talk about death.

The second Beatitude: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

The second letter in Revelation:

To the angel of the church in Smyrna write:

These are the words of him who is the First and the Last, who died and came to life again. I know your afflictions and your poverty—yet you are rich! I know about the slander of those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you,and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who is victorious will not be hurt at all by the second death.

This letter is fascinating. There are no warnings about what they need to change - only encouragement to hang in there and survive the coming pain. Only comfort, no correction.

Jesus starts out the letter by saying that he has power over death, yet he doesn't stop the pain, suffering and mortality that's to come. He lets the testing go on for the "ten days" - the needed time period. I'm guessing it's so we can see what we are really made of and grow from it.

With my daily thoughts of the loss of one of my kids, death is truly a test. It's a test of everything I believe in, my strength, my sanity. I often have to remind myself I'm going to make it. It's pure misery.

I have been and will be hurt again by the "first death". Who knows? I may have to go though all this loss and testing again in my life - I hope not. But I will not be hurt by the second death - the final death of everything here. He will give me life.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Revelation - Letter One

Reading the book of Revelation can be difficult. Its a strange book, filled with all sorts of unfathomable statements - at least for me.

So why write about it?

I maintain that the bible is coherent beginning to end. After listening to some teaching on it and reading it a number of times lately, I think I see a bit of it.

The first Beatitude: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

The first letter in Revelation (chapter 2)

To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: 

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lamp-stands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

I see a warning to good, hard-working, tough people that are trying to serve God: your heart is emptied out, your spirit is poor. If this keeps up, you're not going to make it. Change your course and go back to who you were when you started believing.

Go back to what? What was my "first love"?

For me it was the initial realization that God was there, and he wanted to connect with me. The maker of the universe made himself available to me so we can get to know each other. It filled my mind all the time.

So that's what I aim to do - not take his friendship for granted, not just focus on getting stuff done. I want to invest the time and the energy in continuing to build our relationship.

I think the imagery of Jesus holding the seven stars - the leaders - in his hand, and walking among the seven lampstands - the churches - is to communicate that he is right here among us. He is not far off.

Finally, in many of these letters Jesus says "repent". It sounds ominous - I think its the opposite. I think he is saying "It's OK to come back, I won't hold any mistakes against you."

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Writing is hard work

I've decided that writing down my thoughts regularly is hard work.

It's not that I don't have things I want to write down - it's just the opposite. I have too many things I think about, and I can't decide which ones I should focus on. For my own satisfaction, I should just pick something and get on with it.

So in this post I'll note that I recently have started calling God "Dad" when talk to him. It really felt uncomfortable at first, but I'm getting used to it. It definitely makes me think differently about him.

Jesus said, this is how we should talk to God: This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name...

Jesus said a little later: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Paul wrote to the Roman church: For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

Hear is what I think - I should have a comfortable relationship with God as my dad, but not casual or irreverent one. I am not his equal, I'm his child. He owes me no explanation to me for why he does what he does - I don't expect one in this life or the next. He does want me to approach him, to depend on him, to spend time with him.

Anyway, I guess this is an experiment for me. I will continue on with it for a year and see how it goes.

Dad, thanks for all you have done for us. Even with all the painful things that happen to us, you are a good God and you take care of us.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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Roman 13 - Sunday

Paul wrote:

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

From my reading of chapter 12, this first part of 13 should be in it. It's not a very big deal, just a numbering system.

Paul says to not rebel against the government, but live at peace. They are put in place by God.

What about evil, oppressive governments? I honestly don't think that's the intent in Paul's writing here. He makes it clear that in the situations he's referring to, the government doesn't punish those who do right.

This is about promoting peace, and not thinking I'm above the authority of the government because I'm a Christian. God uses them as part of his plan.

As many things as are wrong with our government, I still believe I get to live in the best, most just country in the history of the world. I have nothing to complain about.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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Romans 12 - Saturday

Paul wrote:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

This is a really hard concept: overcome evil with good. It goes against every instinct I have.

Why does God allow bad things to happen? On top of that, why does He ask us not to seek justice when others do wrong to us? Jesus said: You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

So we can be like Him.

Paul also wrote: Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.

The idea of returning good for evil is a hard one. I don't like it, but since I have made a commitment to be a Christian, I will agree that it's right and will pursue it.

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Saturdays | My influence is good, and God will expand it
- Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God
- And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one

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Romans 12 - Friday

Paul wrote:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

This section follows on from the last one. Again, it makes a list that helps be take inventory - in this case of my relationships.

I try hard to connect with people, but I often get self centered:

• Bless those who are against you - I rarely do this
• Rejoice with those who are happy - I get jelous and compare myself
• Be sad with those are grieving - I want to stay away (at least in the past)
• Cooperate - I want to do my own thing
• Spend time with people who have less than me - I'm usually looking to conenct with people in positions of authority 
• Don't think of myself as better than anyone - my post from a couple of days ago deals with this. I rarely don't think of myself as better.

God, help me do my best with others. Help me live up to this list.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Romans 12 - Thursday

Paul Wrote:

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

This section gives me a laundry list on how to keep my heart right. A good way to know if my "love is sincere" is to look at my life against these other things Paul lists out.

If I'm loving others, staying motivated to do what God asks, keeping my attitude right, and sharing my stuff, I think I can be assured in on the right track.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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Romans 12 - Wednesday

Paul wrote:

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

To summarize: Be diligent and do good with what God has given you.

God gives each of us some measure of power. We can make money, create things, influence others, figure things out.

I see this mysterious way God works (I think):
     - God gave me power and influence to use for good.
     - God planned out what good I might do - he creates the opportunity.
     - I get the choice of how I use it.
     - God's plan - the ultimate outcomes he is looking for - will succeed no matter how I choose.

So what's the point?

The point is simple in my mind: I love to work, to create, to influence. I was made for it. God offers me the chance to use it all for good, so I can be like him.

When the kids were little, I would mow the lawn. I bought Josh a toy lawn mower. His effort did not change the outcome - but his involvement was so valuable to me. I still remember the smile on his face as he mowed too. We both experienced happiness from it.

This is a simplistic way to see life, and I know there are many more aspects to consider. But for now, I will think about what Paul also wrote: For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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Romans 12 - Tuesday

Paul wrote:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

The message is pretty straightforward: I need to have an honest view of myself, then I can can have an accurate view of others.

It's hard to stop thinking that others need to be more like me. I often fall into this subtle trap: I judge others on what I see, and I judge myself based on my intentions. In this skewed view, everyone comes up short.

I want to appreciate what others do for God.

I want to appreciate their differences from me.

I want to see the bigger picture of how we work as a whole, driven by God's spirit.

Jesus said: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I want to love all the other believers in my life, as Jesus commanded.

King David wrote: How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! ...For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

God, help me to a good part of the body and care for all of it.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Romans 12 - Monday

Paul wrote a really long letter to the Christians in Rome. I think his intent was to describe the entire Christian faith as a whole:

    - What is it?
    - How does it work?
    - What are the implications?

For me, chapter 12 is the turning point. Paul shifts from presenting concepts to explaining the implications of following Jesus.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Here is what I think he's saying:

   - God gave up his rights and chose to be merciful to me
   - In the same way I need to give up my rights and be like him - merciful to others
   - The world (the culture) doesn't support this - it will teach the opposite
   - Look to God, his word, his people for input
   - If I do this, I will be doing what God wants

God want's me to be more and more like him as time goes on. The antithesis of this is focusing on my self.

I was created to be fully focused on others.
I spend most of my time focusing on myself - "Incurvatus in se"

Jesus said: For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

I think he is saying, "Be what you were meant to be - look outwards and not inwards and really live."

On Memorial Day, what do I do? I think of those who gave themselves for me and for others. Even without all of this from the bible, I intuitively know that these people deserve my admiration. They are the best humanity has to offer.

Army 1st Lt. Erik. S. McCrae

25, of Portland, Oregon.
McCrae died in Baghdad, Iraq, when individuals using improvised explosive devices and rocket-propelled grenades attacked his convoy. He was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 162nd Infantry, Cottage Grove, Oregon. Died on June 4, 2004.

He worked for me before going to Iraq. He was a good man. I will see him in the next life.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Base

I got to teach Sunday school this morning to a group of about 20 fourth and fifth grade girls. I was the emergency backup teacher, this isn't my normal thing (lucky for them).

I talked with them about what paradise / heaven might be like. Since I haven't been there, most of what I think about it is speculation. Paul wrote this: What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived: the things God has prepared for those who love him.

I asked the kids if they thought heaven would be like church - and they are good kids, so they said "yes". I told them I hoped not. Church is really nice for a few hours each week, but not more than that. It's not much of an adventure. I told them I think we will be a giant family, and we will enjoy being with God and each other forever. We will have great things to accomplish and great stories to tell.

As one of the girls said, "we will socialize."

I told them it's sometimes hard to believe - that I struggle with doubt at times. Also there are those times where it's so real I can almost stick my finger out and touch it. The struggles of a sinful but saved man...

The kids know it's real. I draw strength from their faith.

Jesus said: I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

After we were done with the lesson, about a dozen of the kids wanted to play tag. I was getting ready to go talk with someone, and one of the girls said, "you are the base".

Base? 

So I sat on the steps of the stage for 20 minutes, and they had to have a hand on me to be safe and not get tagged. I'm good a being base - not much skill required.

A couple of the kids would stay at base quite a bit. Finally I said, "Go, run, have an adventure." Then they would run and scream and have a good time. 

While I was being base a girl came and sat by me and told me she was writing a story. I asked what it was about. She said it was about her dad, who is in Afghanistan until November. She misses him a lot. She said she wants to do it for him as a present. I bet in the view of God, this story will be far greater that most best-sellers - it will last for eternity.

It was pretty much all I could do not to cry for her - maybe I should have. I'm still not used to this emotional world I've had to enter.

For all the intentional conversations I want to have with the kids, sometimes just being base is a better way to go.

There are many times I wonder if the effort in teaching the kids isn't really worth much. I think most of us who are involved with them feel this way at some point. Then there are those days that bring so much value. God let's me see that it really does matter.

I'm going to think of myself as "base" at least for a while on Sunday mornings.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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The Bargain

This post is something I've wrestled with for the past few weeks. It's not theological - I'm not saying in any way that this is the way things are - it's personal. This about working through where my heart is at.

This started from a post I wrote a month ago, where I quoted Paul: For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people.

After a lot of thought, I have decided I would take this bargain: God guarantees the salvation of all my kids, if I'm willing to be cut off from Him for eternity in hell. It's worth it.

As Paul states, it's not the way God works - but it's an attitude I've decided to pursue. If I'm willing to give up the most important thing to me, then I'm willing to give anything and everything else for them. 

God, I hope that the rest of my life is filled with goodness and happiness. But if my own failure, sickness, a shortened life, disaster are part of the mechanism you choose to use to get my kids to connect with you - so be it. I'll willingly take the bargain. In any case, whatever your plan is, be merciful to them, forgive them and connect with them.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Nature of Jesus - Friday

Webster's dictionary: Grace - unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.

God has shown me grace and mercy.

John wrote: Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
God has established a relationship with me, even when I didn't deserve it. I think the verse is saying he piled grace on top of grace, mercy on top of mercy.

He gave me the rules to show me who I really am. Understanding.

He gave me grace and truth to show I'm accepted no matter what I am. Relationship.

Paul wrote: Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”

I think he's saying to me, "keep your relationships healthy. Don't argue or complain - be graceful and merciful towards others. Be like me."

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Nature of Jesus - Thursday

As I'm writing this, I realize that the title "Nature of Jesus" is really in error. I don't know his true nature. I only know a small sliver of what I can understand from the bible and my experience. He created everything and holds it together. I'm only something he created.

Here is what I understand...

God created a people to be a light to the whole world, so that all might possibly connect with him. 

That people - the Jews - were abused by all the other powerful people on earth.

God promised to send a rescuer to them, to set them free. They called that rescuer "Messiah".

They waited and predicted and talked about the rescuer. They wanted things to be set right.

They were hungry for the Messiah - and he finally came.

John wrote: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus came in a way that was unexpected and with a message of acceptance, which many people didn't like. They wanted judgement, he offered forgiveness. They wanted revenge, he offered peace. Most rejected him.

To those who accepted him, Paul wrote: Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

I think Paul is saying to be very careful not to get pulled into judgement, which is a very real possibility - at least it is for me. He is reminding them (and me) that God will fill them and use them for good in the way he works - with acceptance, forgiveness and peace.

God, you didn't come to judge people. I need your help to not do it myself.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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Nature of Jesus - Wednesday

Why did Jesus go to all the trouble of leaving his place of ruling the universe, become human, be rejected, and end up being killed? 

Because it was worth it.

John wrote: Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

He came so I - and everyone who is willing - could be part of his family.

Paul wrote to the Philippians: Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Jesus is the head of the family, the owner of the universe. 

I want to be in that family, but I have nothing to bargain with. My only hope is to be rescued - I don't have the capability or resources to join on my own.

Following up on my reference yesterday to what Paul wrote to the Romans: What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So what does God require for me to gain eternity? The desire to be with him, and the belief he will accept me. 

God, I'm glad you have the ability to set things right - because I sure don't.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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Nature of Jesus - Tuesday

As I said yesterday, Jesus gave up his status to be with mankind for a period of time. He came to the people he created, and for the most part, they rejected him.

John wrote: The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 

Paul wrote to the Philippians: Jesus made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death even death on a cross!

Did Jesus know that people would reject him? Yes.

700 years earlier, Isaiah wrote on the same theme. This is what he predicted about God's servant who would come to us: He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

So God's kingdom came to earth in the form of a person who was misunderstood, rejected and ultimately killed.

What does this have to do with me? I'm a believer - I'm glad he came.

My relationship with God is often in chaos. I want to relate to God and be close - and I also want to get away from him and be in my own darkness.

There is part of me that wants him to go away, to leave me be. There are those moments where I don't care that he gave up everything to reach out to me, that he died for me, that he lives for me now.

As Paul wrote to the Romans: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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