No Defense for God

I believe that God is characterized by the "Omni's":

Omniscient - all knowing
Omnipresent - being everywhere at the same time
Omnipotent - unlimited power

I think everything is laid out before him - the largest galaxy and the smallest bug. I believe he knows our futures, our thoughts, our intentions.

So where is God when evil and disaster come? If he is all powerful, all knowing, and everywhere - whether he "allows" something to happen or he "wills" it, it seems to me to fade into a useless argument.

In my view, we - I mean western christian culture - have tried to civilize God, to make him acceptable to "seekers", to make him approachable in hopes people will pursue him. While I think the intention might be good, I think trying to "clean him up" or edit his character is wrong. I see a civilized God as weak and not in control.

He doesn't need my protection or polishing. He doesn't need me to make excuses for what we would consider unacceptable behavior. He doesn't need me to defend him.

As I've said before, I'm not his peer. He owes me no explanations. I will not someday get the chance to ask him to justify why he allowed something or didn't take action. He is almighty, and I'm his creation.

I believe during the holocaust, the killing fields, the inquisition, the crusades, earthquakes, tornadoes, death, deformity, abuse, slavery, he is right in the middle of it. He has the power to stop all of it with the slightest inclination, and he chooses not to. I don't see him as a passive participant, ready to run in with comfort after the disaster. I see him as active in the terrible things as in the good.

He is not a weak God, unable to stop the horror. He intentionally lets it go on. If you look at the creation story, he instituted scarcity, pain and trouble.

His priorities are for the most part not my priorities. His ways of doing things are not the way I would do it.

All of this makes him to be a scary, even crazy supreme being from my point of view. When Jesus said to be afraid of God, I don't think it was intended as a euphemism.

So what is the justification for all of this? I'm not sure - but I believe this: He will stop at nothing to get our attention and connect with us. He will use everything - good and bad - to reach us for our eternal good. He used both the disciples - John and Judas - in his efforts to get us to see and hear him.

After God organized the death of Job's family, the destruction of his property and the injuring of his body, here was his response:

The Lord said to Job: “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him! 

Then Job answered the Lord: “I am unworthy - how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer - twice, but I will say no more.” 

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm: “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?
Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like his?
Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.
Unleash the fury of your wrath, look at all who are proud and bring them low, look at all who are proud and humble them, crush the wicked where they stand.
Bury them all in the dust together; shroud their faces in the grave.
Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you."

After quite a lot more instruction from God, Job gave his final answer:

Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.  

“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

For me to say I want nothing to do with this version God, is also to say I don't want anything to do with his love, compassion and forgiveness. He isn't made in the image I want, it's the other way around.

I see him as a compelling God, one that is powerful and in control. This God may give me things tomorrow to make me incredibly happy - or he may sacrifice my life for a greater purpose. I accept that. He is to be loved and feared - not just one or the other.

For me, this God is worth pursuing.

Two Years

Today, two years after Caleb died, there are so many things I could possibly write about. Where the first year was a year of misery, I think this past year was one of weariness of being very tired all the time.

I'm choosing to focus on my weekly prayer for the past two years. I pray about these things every Tuesday, as all this happened on that day. I actually set this process in motion a few weeks before Caleb died, not knowing what was coming - and I see the hand of God in it. (The original post about it)

This is what is important to me...

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God, father in heaven - you are awesome, great, holy. Bring your kingdom here - connect with us, allow us to know you, see you, hear your voice.

Blessed are those who mourn - this is me, this is my family. Be with us.

God, bless Becky, Josh, Sam and Nathan. Forgive them for anything they have done wrong. Forgive them because you're a compassionate and loving God, not wanting to hold anything against us. Lighten their load if possible - take away any burdens of guilt and worry.

Thank you for Becky, her heart, her strength. She would do anything possible for our good, she is my example.

Thank you for Josh, his friendship, his honesty. He is a source of strength to me.

Thank you for Sam, her compassion, her goodness She is an encouragement to me.

Thank you for Nathan, his commitment, his insight. He brings me hope.

God, be kind and compassionate to them. Reward them for the good they have done to me and others. Reach out to them - I hope they can see you.

I hope only good comes to them. I hope their lives are filled with happiness, friendship and success.

If bad must come, I ask that it comes to me instead. I don't begin to understand how all this works, but if possible, I would take any pain and trouble from them on to myself. If that's not possible, be close to them in all they must go through.

Forgive me for all I've done wrong to them. Show me where I fail them - I hope I have the courage to change. Remind me often to be kind.

God, I miss Caleb every day. If possible, please tell him I love him, I miss him, I forgive him for all the pain, and I look forward to being with him again. Also, if possible, tell him I need his forgiveness for all I've done wrong. God, bless him - he sees you face to face.

As a family, give us the compassion and strength to reach out to those who are also in pain and loss. Make our home a place where people can come with their fear and doubt and be comforted. Make us like you.

Thank you for all the people who have been good to us, who have chosen to walk with us, not avoid our pain. I see you in them. There are too many to list here. I hope you reward them.

God, you are all powerful and all knowing, and you still chose to let death and pain enter into our family. You have also brought goodness and help. I don't understand most of this - but I have learned one thing: all this happens so that you would be known, and that we would reach out to you. To me, my family, our friends, those we have touched - make yourself known.

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Tuesdays | God is building a people – My relationships are broken

- Your kingdom come

- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted