Loyalty

A friend of mine left his wife recently. It's a terrible thing - for her, for the kids, for him. It's a slow-motion train wreck that I have watched happen, and I seem powerless to help stop it.

I'm not here to diagnose why it happened or suggest a way to resolve it. Those kind of topics are way out of my league.

I'm trying to understand my obligation to him, to God, to myself.

What does my friend want from me?

He seems to be OK with me praying for him and sending him notes once in a while. He's not interested in meeting face-to-face. I can't tell if he want's me to continue or stop. I don't know if he can articulate it.

So, if you are reading this, and you are my friend, and you are a married, I would appreciate you providing some clear instruction on what you want me to do if you choose to leave your spouse in the future. I'm asking you to write it down or tell me before you head down that path. If not me, consider confiding in someone else.

If you send something to me, I will keep it, and I promise to follow-up on it. I will be loyal - and I will honor your request:

- To be left alone
- To be listened to and understood
- To be pursued

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I would like to think I'm the guy that would never leave. Unfortunately, I've come to the point where I realize I'm at much at risk as anyone else. I've spent many years considering myself better than others - not very smart.

So here is what I want...

Pray for me, that I would be faithful. Remind me of it from time to time.

If you sense something isn't "right", be quick to ask me what's going on. Don't think "something isn't right" and fail to say something. Ask me questions that get to my heart. If I answer with surface, theoretical, theological - whatever dodge I come up with - don't accept it. Keep digging.

If I say I'm thinking about leaving - pursue me. If I ask to be left alone, don't do it. Don't give up on me. Gang up on me.

If I finally do leave - side with my wife, side with my kids. Stick this post in my face. Remind me of how this is hurting a wide range of people. Acknowledge my misery and if possible, make it worse.

Remind me of God's grace and forgiveness - extend it to me. Beg me to repent. If I do, forgive me and help me put it all back together.

Love me enough to never give up on me. Please be loyal to me.

We are all in the same boat, in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty. - G.K. Chesterton