Romans 12 - Wednesday

Paul wrote:

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

To summarize: Be diligent and do good with what God has given you.

God gives each of us some measure of power. We can make money, create things, influence others, figure things out.

I see this mysterious way God works (I think):
     - God gave me power and influence to use for good.
     - God planned out what good I might do - he creates the opportunity.
     - I get the choice of how I use it.
     - God's plan - the ultimate outcomes he is looking for - will succeed no matter how I choose.

So what's the point?

The point is simple in my mind: I love to work, to create, to influence. I was made for it. God offers me the chance to use it all for good, so I can be like him.

When the kids were little, I would mow the lawn. I bought Josh a toy lawn mower. His effort did not change the outcome - but his involvement was so valuable to me. I still remember the smile on his face as he mowed too. We both experienced happiness from it.

This is a simplistic way to see life, and I know there are many more aspects to consider. But for now, I will think about what Paul also wrote: For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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Romans 12 - Tuesday

Paul wrote:

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

The message is pretty straightforward: I need to have an honest view of myself, then I can can have an accurate view of others.

It's hard to stop thinking that others need to be more like me. I often fall into this subtle trap: I judge others on what I see, and I judge myself based on my intentions. In this skewed view, everyone comes up short.

I want to appreciate what others do for God.

I want to appreciate their differences from me.

I want to see the bigger picture of how we work as a whole, driven by God's spirit.

Jesus said: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I want to love all the other believers in my life, as Jesus commanded.

King David wrote: How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! ...For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

God, help me to a good part of the body and care for all of it.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Romans 12 - Monday

Paul wrote a really long letter to the Christians in Rome. I think his intent was to describe the entire Christian faith as a whole:

    - What is it?
    - How does it work?
    - What are the implications?

For me, chapter 12 is the turning point. Paul shifts from presenting concepts to explaining the implications of following Jesus.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God - this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Here is what I think he's saying:

   - God gave up his rights and chose to be merciful to me
   - In the same way I need to give up my rights and be like him - merciful to others
   - The world (the culture) doesn't support this - it will teach the opposite
   - Look to God, his word, his people for input
   - If I do this, I will be doing what God wants

God want's me to be more and more like him as time goes on. The antithesis of this is focusing on my self.

I was created to be fully focused on others.
I spend most of my time focusing on myself - "Incurvatus in se"

Jesus said: For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

I think he is saying, "Be what you were meant to be - look outwards and not inwards and really live."

On Memorial Day, what do I do? I think of those who gave themselves for me and for others. Even without all of this from the bible, I intuitively know that these people deserve my admiration. They are the best humanity has to offer.

Army 1st Lt. Erik. S. McCrae

25, of Portland, Oregon.
McCrae died in Baghdad, Iraq, when individuals using improvised explosive devices and rocket-propelled grenades attacked his convoy. He was assigned to the Army National Guard's 2nd Battalion, 162nd Infantry, Cottage Grove, Oregon. Died on June 4, 2004.

He worked for me before going to Iraq. He was a good man. I will see him in the next life.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Base

I got to teach Sunday school this morning to a group of about 20 fourth and fifth grade girls. I was the emergency backup teacher, this isn't my normal thing (lucky for them).

I talked with them about what paradise / heaven might be like. Since I haven't been there, most of what I think about it is speculation. Paul wrote this: What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived: the things God has prepared for those who love him.

I asked the kids if they thought heaven would be like church - and they are good kids, so they said "yes". I told them I hoped not. Church is really nice for a few hours each week, but not more than that. It's not much of an adventure. I told them I think we will be a giant family, and we will enjoy being with God and each other forever. We will have great things to accomplish and great stories to tell.

As one of the girls said, "we will socialize."

I told them it's sometimes hard to believe - that I struggle with doubt at times. Also there are those times where it's so real I can almost stick my finger out and touch it. The struggles of a sinful but saved man...

The kids know it's real. I draw strength from their faith.

Jesus said: I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

After we were done with the lesson, about a dozen of the kids wanted to play tag. I was getting ready to go talk with someone, and one of the girls said, "you are the base".

Base? 

So I sat on the steps of the stage for 20 minutes, and they had to have a hand on me to be safe and not get tagged. I'm good a being base - not much skill required.

A couple of the kids would stay at base quite a bit. Finally I said, "Go, run, have an adventure." Then they would run and scream and have a good time. 

While I was being base a girl came and sat by me and told me she was writing a story. I asked what it was about. She said it was about her dad, who is in Afghanistan until November. She misses him a lot. She said she wants to do it for him as a present. I bet in the view of God, this story will be far greater that most best-sellers - it will last for eternity.

It was pretty much all I could do not to cry for her - maybe I should have. I'm still not used to this emotional world I've had to enter.

For all the intentional conversations I want to have with the kids, sometimes just being base is a better way to go.

There are many times I wonder if the effort in teaching the kids isn't really worth much. I think most of us who are involved with them feel this way at some point. Then there are those days that bring so much value. God let's me see that it really does matter.

I'm going to think of myself as "base" at least for a while on Sunday mornings.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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The Bargain

This post is something I've wrestled with for the past few weeks. It's not theological - I'm not saying in any way that this is the way things are - it's personal. This about working through where my heart is at.

This started from a post I wrote a month ago, where I quoted Paul: For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people.

After a lot of thought, I have decided I would take this bargain: God guarantees the salvation of all my kids, if I'm willing to be cut off from Him for eternity in hell. It's worth it.

As Paul states, it's not the way God works - but it's an attitude I've decided to pursue. If I'm willing to give up the most important thing to me, then I'm willing to give anything and everything else for them. 

God, I hope that the rest of my life is filled with goodness and happiness. But if my own failure, sickness, a shortened life, disaster are part of the mechanism you choose to use to get my kids to connect with you - so be it. I'll willingly take the bargain. In any case, whatever your plan is, be merciful to them, forgive them and connect with them.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Nature of Jesus - Friday

Webster's dictionary: Grace - unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.

God has shown me grace and mercy.

John wrote: Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
God has established a relationship with me, even when I didn't deserve it. I think the verse is saying he piled grace on top of grace, mercy on top of mercy.

He gave me the rules to show me who I really am. Understanding.

He gave me grace and truth to show I'm accepted no matter what I am. Relationship.

Paul wrote: Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”

I think he's saying to me, "keep your relationships healthy. Don't argue or complain - be graceful and merciful towards others. Be like me."

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Nature of Jesus - Thursday

As I'm writing this, I realize that the title "Nature of Jesus" is really in error. I don't know his true nature. I only know a small sliver of what I can understand from the bible and my experience. He created everything and holds it together. I'm only something he created.

Here is what I understand...

God created a people to be a light to the whole world, so that all might possibly connect with him. 

That people - the Jews - were abused by all the other powerful people on earth.

God promised to send a rescuer to them, to set them free. They called that rescuer "Messiah".

They waited and predicted and talked about the rescuer. They wanted things to be set right.

They were hungry for the Messiah - and he finally came.

John wrote: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus came in a way that was unexpected and with a message of acceptance, which many people didn't like. They wanted judgement, he offered forgiveness. They wanted revenge, he offered peace. Most rejected him.

To those who accepted him, Paul wrote: Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

I think Paul is saying to be very careful not to get pulled into judgement, which is a very real possibility - at least it is for me. He is reminding them (and me) that God will fill them and use them for good in the way he works - with acceptance, forgiveness and peace.

God, you didn't come to judge people. I need your help to not do it myself.

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Thursdays | My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled
- Give us today our daily bread

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Nature of Jesus - Wednesday

Why did Jesus go to all the trouble of leaving his place of ruling the universe, become human, be rejected, and end up being killed? 

Because it was worth it.

John wrote: Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

He came so I - and everyone who is willing - could be part of his family.

Paul wrote to the Philippians: Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Jesus is the head of the family, the owner of the universe. 

I want to be in that family, but I have nothing to bargain with. My only hope is to be rescued - I don't have the capability or resources to join on my own.

Following up on my reference yesterday to what Paul wrote to the Romans: What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So what does God require for me to gain eternity? The desire to be with him, and the belief he will accept me. 

God, I'm glad you have the ability to set things right - because I sure don't.

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Wednesdays | My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right
- Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
- Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven

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Nature of Jesus - Tuesday

As I said yesterday, Jesus gave up his status to be with mankind for a period of time. He came to the people he created, and for the most part, they rejected him.

John wrote: The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 

Paul wrote to the Philippians: Jesus made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death even death on a cross!

Did Jesus know that people would reject him? Yes.

700 years earlier, Isaiah wrote on the same theme. This is what he predicted about God's servant who would come to us: He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

So God's kingdom came to earth in the form of a person who was misunderstood, rejected and ultimately killed.

What does this have to do with me? I'm a believer - I'm glad he came.

My relationship with God is often in chaos. I want to relate to God and be close - and I also want to get away from him and be in my own darkness.

There is part of me that wants him to go away, to leave me be. There are those moments where I don't care that he gave up everything to reach out to me, that he died for me, that he lives for me now.

As Paul wrote to the Romans: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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The Nature of Jesus - Monday

I'm continually fascinated by Jesus. I guess when God becomes a human being with the intent to connect with us, I should expect no less. I want to spend this week considering who he is.

I'm looking at the first chapter of the gospel written by John and Paul's letter he wrote to the church in Phillippi (eastern Macedonia).

John starts out his account of Jesus with this:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Everything in the universe was made by him.

Life comes from him.

He is shining in the darkness - into my chaos - and my chaos can't block him out.

Paul wrote:

Jesus, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Jesus gave up his status, authority, power to enter into the world and serve us - to serve me. Not to judge or condemn me, but to reach out to me, to rescue me.

God, come into my darkness and rescue me.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Writing

Saint Augustine of Hippo wrote: I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write.

I guess I count myself as one of those as well. I haven't written anything for about three weeks, and I feel unsettled in my thoughts. Writing makes me come to some sort of conclusion about what I'm thinking and feeling.

John wrote this in a letter to Christians:

I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one.

Writing helps me confirm my ideas. It's often encouraging. Even though I'm really just writing to myself, it has a much larger effect than only thinking. I believe God wants me to learn and develop as I write and talk about him.

Moses wrote:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.

I guess this blog is my door-frame. It reminds me of who I am, who God is, and what he's done for me.

God, thank you for being good to me. Help me to write about how much you've done.

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Sundays | When I make peace, I partner with God
- Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
- For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever

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Prayer

Prayer is a hard thing for me to define. There is not much to reading about it, hearing about it, or even thinking about it. All that really seems to matter is doing it.

As  I was talking with God last week, I had a moment of crystal clarity: It's not about getting what I want, or even what I need. It's not about seeing God work. It's not about my growth. It's about others. Intellectually I've known this for a long time, but somehow in that instant, it made it to my heart. 

Jesus said: Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

What does this cryptic statement mean? I think Paul, in his anguish, captured it: For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people.

Would I be willing to endure an eternity without God for the sake of my wife, kids, friends? Would I make that bargain? Do I have that much love for them above myself? I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't struggling with the answers.

So all this praying is not so much about asking for things or telling God my views. It's about others and understanding how I can do good for them. It's also digging into the depths of my self-interest and ego.

God, help me to be able to say "yes" - that I would be willing to endure whatever is needed for the good of those around me.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Encouragement

Beyond the question of "Do I have courage?" is an even more important one: "How can I help build courage in others?" I'm discovering that ultimately, all the important questions regarding Christianity are not inwardly focused, but outward.

What has given me the most encouragement? People listening to me, wanting to understand me. This comes from someone who is naturally a terrible listener.

When people have given me advice or input, it's only been encouraging when it's come out of listening first. To be clear, I appreciate all the effort people have put out for me, whether it's built me up or not. I'm humbled by the good intentions of others. I writing about this in an effort to understand how I can do my best.

David wrote: You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry - then God takes action to defend people in need.

This is what I will strive for: to listen, to understand - and then take action to help.

All these things: listening, understanding, kindness, compassion, patience are not my strengths, as I have posted earlier. They are like a tools in my hands I'm not familiar with - I'm clumsy with then and prone to use them poorly. I have to work with them, learn about them, practice using them.

I like what's written in the book of Hebrews: God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. 

God, help me to listen. Help me to be diligent in turning away from myself so I can understand and encourage others.

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Fridays | My relationships are good, and God will build them up
- Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
- And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

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Courage - My Wife Becky

King Solomon wrote: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

In the midst of pain and fear, my wife Becky keeps me and our family going. She would sacrifice anything to make the load for the rest of us easier. She is the most selfless person I know. Her unwavering courage has given me strength and a few times put me to shame.

As we all mourn, she works to bring us comfort. She works to reduce the chaos in our lives and bring peace to our home. Her faith is alive - as James wrote: As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

I see that courage is not an attitude or feeling - it's hard work. Her load has been heavy, and I hope it lightens as time goes on, God willing. I will do everything I can to make it so.

God, thank you so much for Becky, her work, her faith, her courage.

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Tuesdays | My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them
- Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- Your kingdom come

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Courage & Fear

I have been thinking a lot about courage lately. 

Over the past 6 months, I have waves of fear and anxiety that come over me every few days. They last anywhere from a few minutes to hours. It's a sense of dread, failure, guilt and loss of control that floods my mind. It makes me feel nervous and tired. I hate it.

I talk to God about it a lot. I don't anticipate he will take it away - I don't think he works that way. I think he expects me to deal with it, act like a man, and keep going. The pattern in the bible for growth is to face fear, not lose heart and wait for God to do good.

If I give in to this fear, what will happen? I think I will turn inward to focus on myself - my own pain, sadness and sense of loss. I will become useless to my family and friends. I will suck up their energy with my self-absorption. 

St. Augustine coined the phrase "Incurvatus in se", which means "man turned in on himself" as the definition of sin and failure. I can see how this could happen to me. So I'm figuring out how to live with it and still move forward each day. I will not let it control me, God willing.

I like what Paul wrote: Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. For me, it's exactly to the point.

God, help me to overcome my fear and have courage. I want to turn outward to you and others in the midst of all this.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Isaiah - Poor in Spirit

Isaiah finds himself standing in God's temple. It doesn't say how he got there - I'm assuming it's a vision:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips.

I think this is the natural and appropriate response if a person is confronted with God himself. God is not someone to have a pleasant conversation with. He is the Lord of everything and terrifying.

The first statement of the Lord's prayer: Isaiah sees a holy God in heaven.

The first statement of the Beatitudes: Isaiah immediately sees he is "poor in spirit" and says "I am ruined."

Tim Keller talks about meeting someone who is way better than you are at something your very good at - it makes you feel small and inadequate. So much more with God, who is all powerful. I am sure I would cry out something in the spirit of "woe is me!"

Why does Isaiah say "I'm a man of unclean lips?" I think it's because he was a prophet. His job was to speak for God. He was hit right where it hurts - his identity.

So I look at myself and I see so many years of saying harsh, inappropriate and unhelpful things. I  have a big problem with exaggeration. Sometimes I lie. All this, while on Sunday mornings I praise God - go figure...

Jesus said: A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

God, what is in my heart? Forgive me for what I've said:
- Harsh words - I'm controlling at times
- Exaggeration - I'm insecure at times
- Lies - I'm afraid at times

God, I want to say and write things that are good. I want a good heart.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Strength

My last post was on my weakness, and God telling me how that was going to fit into my life. To keep things in perspective, I'm considering where I can gain strength.

One of my favorite authors over the years has been A.W. Tozer: The Holy Scriptures tell us what we could never learn any other way: they tell us what we are, who we are, how we got here, why we are here, and what we are required to do while we remain here.

There are all kinds of opinions on the bible - it's origins, authenticity, applicability - none of those matter to me. 

In that book, I find strength

In that book, I find life

In that book, I find God himself

The more I read it, the more I'm compelled to read it. It's like that knothole in the fence between me and eternity - Right now, I can't go over there, but I can peek through and see just a bit of it.

It's the only thing I read that really makes sense to me as I struggle with my own grief and questions about life.

King David wrote something that really resonates with me at present:

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

God, you are my strength forever. Keep me from loosing heart.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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Weakness

This past year, I have been talking to God regularly. Prayer is hard for me at times, but I've been sticking to my weekly routine.

This is a very interesting and difficult to understand passage written by Paul on prayer:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

If I get this right, God prays for me to himself on my behalf. What good does that do? Seems strange to me - illogical.

I looked up "intercede" this week: to intervene between parties with a view to reconciling differences.

With this idea, it makes much more sense. I think it means that God takes responsibility to bring us together where I'm too weak to pursue it. I guess I just need to be willing to talk to him.

So God made it clear to me this weekend, he wants me to make kindness the top priority in all I do. This is one of my biggest weaknesses, as I wrote about weeks ago. He basically told me that if I practice kindness, I will be fruitful, and if I don't I won't. So all the things I'm good at won't lead to anything, and the thing I'm bad at will lead to results.

When my mind opened this weekend and I saw this new situation, my initial response was "God, you've got to be kidding. Can't it be something else? This is a joke. You know it's hard for me." I can see working at it with my family, but everywhere? It's overwhelming.

I guess there really is no surprise here. Paul wrote about his own struggles, and God's response to them: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

God, I'm at a loss for words.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Comfort?

I'm not the best guy at comforting others. In fact, I'm really not good at it at all. Today, I tried my best.

A guy I'm working with here in Holland was late coming in to the office today. He told me that he was with his wife in the hospital - she is going to die fairly soon from cancer.

I told him I knew something about death, but I couldn't really know what he was going through with his wife. He said he had heard what had happened to my son.

I told him it sucks, and that I was sorry.

I told him that we both had entered new worlds that are hard to navigate, and there is no way out.

I asked him if he had kids. He said he has four, all in their early twenties. I told him much of my worry was about my kids and how they are doing.

I asked him how he was handling it and how his wife was doing. He said they had come to accept what was happening and were working hard to talk about it and support each other. He said his wife was starting to write things down. I told him I was doing that as well.

He told me quite a bit about what he was going through, and he wanted to know how I was doing as well.

I had nothing upbeat or positive to offer. It didn't seem appropriate.

I did tell him he would survive. Like me, he has no choice - people depend on him. That was my big moment of encouragement.

I wonder how I did at giving him some small bit of comfort. My goal was to treat him as I have wanted to be treated, with honesty and genuine interest. I guess I will see how it goes.

God, take care of him, his wife and his family. Give them comfort in the midst of tragedy.

As I started to write this, I thought "Oh yeah, it's Tuesday..."

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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Mancation

I spent Thursday evening through Sunday morning in Sunriver with over 20 guys from church. We hung out, talked, played games, ate a lot, and skied our legs off at Bachelor. Craig Eaton has named this annual event "Mancation" - he is the positive force that makes it happen.

There were guys from their early teens to those in their 60's. All men of faith - all on their own journey with God. I have friends from the entire spectrum of beliefs, and I value all of them. But there are times when I want to be with those who know Him, this being one of them. I draw strength from our shared belief and destiny.

My youngest son Nathan was there, which was the best part of all. It was great to see him interact with the others, coming into his own as a young man. At 14 he's a respectable poker player...

I spent some time skiing alone on the second day. I felt sorry for myself and wished Caleb was there - and I also felt happy for myself, that I had the chances I did to be with him. He and I both love the mountains and the snow. In eternity, we can make up for a few missed years with millions more.

I'm lucky and honored to have the friends I do. I hope to be as good to them as they are to me. They are a gift from God.

Jesus said: But about the resurrection of the dead - have you not read what God said to you, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.

We will live as friends forever. I have no doubt of this.

As I'm writing this song came on Pandora - I think it's fitting:

Even though I'm posting this on a Tuesday - these thoughts were in my head on Sunday. It was good to be with these guys - spending time making peace and happiness.

Blessed is Craig Eaton, peacemaker, he is a child of God.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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A few pictures of Caleb and others from good years past on Mancation...

Laughter

As I was working from home this morning, I heard my wife Becky and our friend April talking and laughing. What a nice sound - it was very comforting.

I was thinking about why it makes me feel good to hear them laugh. I decided it's their presence. Having them near and being happy, makes me happy.

I heard a good sermon this weekend on presence. The theme was from something Jesus said:

Then the King (Jesus) will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I have memorized this whole passage - but I still need to be reminded of what it means. I took away this idea: Be like God - step into people's darkness and help them gain some peace. Bring them some comfort.

My messy scrawling...

God, I need to go be with people in tough circumstances - in their darkness - and make them feel good. I need to laugh with them.

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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One Thousand Sermons

Why is pain such an effective teacher?

Why does it take tragedy and loss to get me to really grow and change?

Why can't I easily learn those critical lessons in my life without misery?

In the terms Jesus used: Why does a seed (me) have to fall to the ground and die to gain fruitfulness?

Lately I have asked a few people if they were better because of past tragedy in their lives - they all said yes. There are others that I have not needed to ask, it was obvious. I have to admit, I think it stinks.

I wish I could learn the big lessons from praying, reading the word, listening to teaching, discussing things with friends. Unfortunately, loosing one of my sons has taught me what a thousand sermons, lessons and discussions could not. At this point, I would much rather be ignorant and have him here - but there is no going backward.

I don't have any robust answers as to why there is so much pain, poverty and suffering in the world. I only know that for good or bad, pain is an effective teacher in my life. I also know I will do my best to avoid further pain - I don't like it.

It's a difficult but consistent message...

In Hebrews: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Moses wrote: Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

David wrote: Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one you teach from your law.

Jeremiah wrote: Discipline me, Lord, but only in due measure— not in your anger, or you will reduce me to nothing.

In Revelation, Jesus said: Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

God, I wish I could learn all I needed to without pain. Unfortunately, I can't.

Help me to learn it all and waste nothing.

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Mondays | Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

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Noah - Peacemaker

After a break, I'm back to writing my journal - and I want to finish up the seven days of thinking about Noah.

As in many of the stories in the bible, the final concept is peacemaking. So it goes with the story of Noah:

Noah also said, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend Japheth’s territory; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.”

After the flood Noah lived 350 years. Noah lived a total of 950 years, and then he died.

There are the statements that Canaan will be a slave to his brothers (see my last post), but there are also blessings towards Shem and Japheth.

- Praise to the Lord, the God of Shem (the older son)
- May God extend Japheth's territory (the middle son)
- May Japheth live in the tents of Shem

In essence, Noah is asking God to bless both his two older sons, and that they would be friends and live in peace together.

Up to now, this is something I have never done: Blessed my children together, out load, asking for there to be peace and friendship among them. I've often told them they should be friends, and I have prayed for that - but never blessed them in this way. I wonder what they and I have been missing out on...

God, remind me to bless my family. Remind me to do it out loud. Remind me to be a peacemaker.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Noah - Pure Heart

 More interesting - but difficult to understand - things in the story of Noah:

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.

When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.”

So there is one son, Ham, that really did something wrong. It was so bad that Noah cursed Ham's son, Canaan, and all his descendants for all time. I did a bit of research on it, and almost all of the options for interpretation are fairly disgusting. This link goes to a short summary, if you're inclined.

I'm interested in what the other two brothers did. I think they could have gone straight in with their eyes closed, but instead they walked in backwards. I think they did this to show without a doubt that they respected their father. It wasn't only about what they needed to do, it was also about how they looked.

It's very easy to be self-righteous and say to myself, "I don't really care how things look, I'm doing what God wants." To really be pure in heart, I have to consider how I might be perceived.

Paul wrote about this regarding food: All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

God, help me to see as others see. Help me to have motives that are truly pure.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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Noah - Mercy

After the flood, God makes a promise to Noah and all his descendants (including us)...

And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

He said he is never going to kill off all of mankind again by flood, and he put the rainbow in the sky as a symbol of his commitment.

Even after letting this story sit for a week, its still hard to take in. God's method for creating the human race we see today is pretty wild. I'm not questioning the validity of it, I'm questioning my ability to understand God's way of doing things.

I do know God could have wiped us all out, but he didn't. He had mercy on us - and he wants us to remember it when we see a rainbow.

God, help me to understand you.

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Fridays | Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

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