Isaiah - Poor in Spirit

Isaiah finds himself standing in God's temple. It doesn't say how he got there - I'm assuming it's a vision:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips.

I think this is the natural and appropriate response if a person is confronted with God himself. God is not someone to have a pleasant conversation with. He is the Lord of everything and terrifying.

The first statement of the Lord's prayer: Isaiah sees a holy God in heaven.

The first statement of the Beatitudes: Isaiah immediately sees he is "poor in spirit" and says "I am ruined."

Tim Keller talks about meeting someone who is way better than you are at something your very good at - it makes you feel small and inadequate. So much more with God, who is all powerful. I am sure I would cry out something in the spirit of "woe is me!"

Why does Isaiah say "I'm a man of unclean lips?" I think it's because he was a prophet. His job was to speak for God. He was hit right where it hurts - his identity.

So I look at myself and I see so many years of saying harsh, inappropriate and unhelpful things. I  have a big problem with exaggeration. Sometimes I lie. All this, while on Sunday mornings I praise God - go figure...

Jesus said: A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

God, what is in my heart? Forgive me for what I've said:
- Harsh words - I'm controlling at times
- Exaggeration - I'm insecure at times
- Lies - I'm afraid at times

God, I want to say and write things that are good. I want a good heart.

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Mondays | My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it
- Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God
- Our Father in heaven, your name is holy

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Strength

My last post was on my weakness, and God telling me how that was going to fit into my life. To keep things in perspective, I'm considering where I can gain strength.

One of my favorite authors over the years has been A.W. Tozer: The Holy Scriptures tell us what we could never learn any other way: they tell us what we are, who we are, how we got here, why we are here, and what we are required to do while we remain here.

There are all kinds of opinions on the bible - it's origins, authenticity, applicability - none of those matter to me. 

In that book, I find strength

In that book, I find life

In that book, I find God himself

The more I read it, the more I'm compelled to read it. It's like that knothole in the fence between me and eternity - Right now, I can't go over there, but I can peek through and see just a bit of it.

It's the only thing I read that really makes sense to me as I struggle with my own grief and questions about life.

King David wrote something that really resonates with me at present:

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

God, you are my strength forever. Keep me from loosing heart.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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Weakness

This past year, I have been talking to God regularly. Prayer is hard for me at times, but I've been sticking to my weekly routine.

This is a very interesting and difficult to understand passage written by Paul on prayer:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

If I get this right, God prays for me to himself on my behalf. What good does that do? Seems strange to me - illogical.

I looked up "intercede" this week: to intervene between parties with a view to reconciling differences.

With this idea, it makes much more sense. I think it means that God takes responsibility to bring us together where I'm too weak to pursue it. I guess I just need to be willing to talk to him.

So God made it clear to me this weekend, he wants me to make kindness the top priority in all I do. This is one of my biggest weaknesses, as I wrote about weeks ago. He basically told me that if I practice kindness, I will be fruitful, and if I don't I won't. So all the things I'm good at won't lead to anything, and the thing I'm bad at will lead to results.

When my mind opened this weekend and I saw this new situation, my initial response was "God, you've got to be kidding. Can't it be something else? This is a joke. You know it's hard for me." I can see working at it with my family, but everywhere? It's overwhelming.

I guess there really is no surprise here. Paul wrote about his own struggles, and God's response to them: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

God, I'm at a loss for words.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Comfort?

I'm not the best guy at comforting others. In fact, I'm really not good at it at all. Today, I tried my best.

A guy I'm working with here in Holland was late coming in to the office today. He told me that he was with his wife in the hospital - she is going to die fairly soon from cancer.

I told him I knew something about death, but I couldn't really know what he was going through with his wife. He said he had heard what had happened to my son.

I told him it sucks, and that I was sorry.

I told him that we both had entered new worlds that are hard to navigate, and there is no way out.

I asked him if he had kids. He said he has four, all in their early twenties. I told him much of my worry was about my kids and how they are doing.

I asked him how he was handling it and how his wife was doing. He said they had come to accept what was happening and were working hard to talk about it and support each other. He said his wife was starting to write things down. I told him I was doing that as well.

He told me quite a bit about what he was going through, and he wanted to know how I was doing as well.

I had nothing upbeat or positive to offer. It didn't seem appropriate.

I did tell him he would survive. Like me, he has no choice - people depend on him. That was my big moment of encouragement.

I wonder how I did at giving him some small bit of comfort. My goal was to treat him as I have wanted to be treated, with honesty and genuine interest. I guess I will see how it goes.

God, take care of him, his wife and his family. Give them comfort in the midst of tragedy.

As I started to write this, I thought "Oh yeah, it's Tuesday..."

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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Mancation

I spent Thursday evening through Sunday morning in Sunriver with over 20 guys from church. We hung out, talked, played games, ate a lot, and skied our legs off at Bachelor. Craig Eaton has named this annual event "Mancation" - he is the positive force that makes it happen.

There were guys from their early teens to those in their 60's. All men of faith - all on their own journey with God. I have friends from the entire spectrum of beliefs, and I value all of them. But there are times when I want to be with those who know Him, this being one of them. I draw strength from our shared belief and destiny.

My youngest son Nathan was there, which was the best part of all. It was great to see him interact with the others, coming into his own as a young man. At 14 he's a respectable poker player...

I spent some time skiing alone on the second day. I felt sorry for myself and wished Caleb was there - and I also felt happy for myself, that I had the chances I did to be with him. He and I both love the mountains and the snow. In eternity, we can make up for a few missed years with millions more.

I'm lucky and honored to have the friends I do. I hope to be as good to them as they are to me. They are a gift from God.

Jesus said: But about the resurrection of the dead - have you not read what God said to you, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.

We will live as friends forever. I have no doubt of this.

As I'm writing this song came on Pandora - I think it's fitting:

Even though I'm posting this on a Tuesday - these thoughts were in my head on Sunday. It was good to be with these guys - spending time making peace and happiness.

Blessed is Craig Eaton, peacemaker, he is a child of God.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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A few pictures of Caleb and others from good years past on Mancation...

Laughter

As I was working from home this morning, I heard my wife Becky and our friend April talking and laughing. What a nice sound - it was very comforting.

I was thinking about why it makes me feel good to hear them laugh. I decided it's their presence. Having them near and being happy, makes me happy.

I heard a good sermon this weekend on presence. The theme was from something Jesus said:

Then the King (Jesus) will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I have memorized this whole passage - but I still need to be reminded of what it means. I took away this idea: Be like God - step into people's darkness and help them gain some peace. Bring them some comfort.

My messy scrawling...

God, I need to go be with people in tough circumstances - in their darkness - and make them feel good. I need to laugh with them.

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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One Thousand Sermons

Why is pain such an effective teacher?

Why does it take tragedy and loss to get me to really grow and change?

Why can't I easily learn those critical lessons in my life without misery?

In the terms Jesus used: Why does a seed (me) have to fall to the ground and die to gain fruitfulness?

Lately I have asked a few people if they were better because of past tragedy in their lives - they all said yes. There are others that I have not needed to ask, it was obvious. I have to admit, I think it stinks.

I wish I could learn the big lessons from praying, reading the word, listening to teaching, discussing things with friends. Unfortunately, loosing one of my sons has taught me what a thousand sermons, lessons and discussions could not. At this point, I would much rather be ignorant and have him here - but there is no going backward.

I don't have any robust answers as to why there is so much pain, poverty and suffering in the world. I only know that for good or bad, pain is an effective teacher in my life. I also know I will do my best to avoid further pain - I don't like it.

It's a difficult but consistent message...

In Hebrews: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Moses wrote: Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

David wrote: Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one you teach from your law.

Jeremiah wrote: Discipline me, Lord, but only in due measure— not in your anger, or you will reduce me to nothing.

In Revelation, Jesus said: Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

God, I wish I could learn all I needed to without pain. Unfortunately, I can't.

Help me to learn it all and waste nothing.

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Mondays | Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

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Noah - Peacemaker

After a break, I'm back to writing my journal - and I want to finish up the seven days of thinking about Noah.

As in many of the stories in the bible, the final concept is peacemaking. So it goes with the story of Noah:

Noah also said, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend Japheth’s territory; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.”

After the flood Noah lived 350 years. Noah lived a total of 950 years, and then he died.

There are the statements that Canaan will be a slave to his brothers (see my last post), but there are also blessings towards Shem and Japheth.

- Praise to the Lord, the God of Shem (the older son)
- May God extend Japheth's territory (the middle son)
- May Japheth live in the tents of Shem

In essence, Noah is asking God to bless both his two older sons, and that they would be friends and live in peace together.

Up to now, this is something I have never done: Blessed my children together, out load, asking for there to be peace and friendship among them. I've often told them they should be friends, and I have prayed for that - but never blessed them in this way. I wonder what they and I have been missing out on...

God, remind me to bless my family. Remind me to do it out loud. Remind me to be a peacemaker.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Noah - Pure Heart

 More interesting - but difficult to understand - things in the story of Noah:

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked.

When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.”

So there is one son, Ham, that really did something wrong. It was so bad that Noah cursed Ham's son, Canaan, and all his descendants for all time. I did a bit of research on it, and almost all of the options for interpretation are fairly disgusting. This link goes to a short summary, if you're inclined.

I'm interested in what the other two brothers did. I think they could have gone straight in with their eyes closed, but instead they walked in backwards. I think they did this to show without a doubt that they respected their father. It wasn't only about what they needed to do, it was also about how they looked.

It's very easy to be self-righteous and say to myself, "I don't really care how things look, I'm doing what God wants." To really be pure in heart, I have to consider how I might be perceived.

Paul wrote about this regarding food: All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

God, help me to see as others see. Help me to have motives that are truly pure.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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Noah - Mercy

After the flood, God makes a promise to Noah and all his descendants (including us)...

And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

He said he is never going to kill off all of mankind again by flood, and he put the rainbow in the sky as a symbol of his commitment.

Even after letting this story sit for a week, its still hard to take in. God's method for creating the human race we see today is pretty wild. I'm not questioning the validity of it, I'm questioning my ability to understand God's way of doing things.

I do know God could have wiped us all out, but he didn't. He had mercy on us - and he wants us to remember it when we see a rainbow.

God, help me to understand you.

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Fridays | Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

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Noah - Hunger for Righteousness

Before the flood, God told Noah that he was the only righteous man on earth.

The Lord then said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation

I have been trying to think of the mixed feelings he probably had as he built the ark, watched everything get washed away, and came back out on to solid ground. I going to assume that through all of this, he wanted to see good.

I think all along he was hungry for God and a better world - and as the beatitude goes, he was filled.

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth. The fear and dread of you will fall on all the beasts of the earth, and on all the birds in the sky, on every creature that moves along the ground, and on all the fish in the sea; they are given into your hands. Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.

So before the flood, people only ate plants. After, God allowed people to eat animals as well - as he said, he gave them everything. They were full.

As I said in the last post, this whole story is hard for me to understand clearly. I already have a list of over a dozen "whys?" from this. A few are:

Why did God make people, just to kill off most of them in the flood?

Why did he kill the animals too?

Why did he have the whole ark and flood thing - why not just a simple plague?

Why where people vegetarians before, but could eat meat after?

I don't have good answers for any of these. But my faith doesn't hinge on having all the answers. It hinges on what God has shown me through his word and in my life. With lots of unanswered questions, I am still full.

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Thursdays | Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

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Noah - Meekness

Noah endured unceasing rain for 40 days, and was on the boat for 150 days. During that time, he was powerless to do anything but wait and trust God would take care of him.

But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded. Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been closed, and the rain had stopped falling from the sky. The water receded steadily from the earth. At the end of the hundred and fifty days the water had gone down, and on the seventeenth day of the seventh month the ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat. The waters continued to recede until the tenth month, and on the first day of the tenth month the tops of the mountains became visible.

Noah was meek and powerless - and he literally ended up inheriting the earth.

I think Noah was in a time of testing. It seems to be that period where God says "I will be unseen and you will wait for me, and obey me. I will see how you come through." In some stories, people fail, in other stories they succeed - and I think Noah succeeded here.

Now I think about it, Noah is almost the exact opposite of Jonah, at least up to this point. Same overall pattern in the stories, very different hearts in these two men.

I have a lot of trouble with waiting to see what God is going to do. I hate waiting for "the water to recede." Being powerless to have any effect is very difficult for me to accept. I really think I'm at that stage in my life right now.

God, I hope I do well with this test. I know whether I do or I don't, you will be there to teach me more about who I am, and what I'm made of.

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Wednesdays | Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

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Noah - Mourning

This one is fairly obvious - everyone was killed except Noah and his family.

The waters rose and covered the mountains to a depth of more than fifteen cubits. Every living thing that moved on land perished—birds, livestock, wild animals, all the creatures that swarm over the earth, and all mankind. Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died. Every living thing on the face of the earth was wiped out; people and animals and the creatures that move along the ground and the birds were wiped from the earth. Only Noah was left, and those with him in the ark.

Genocide.

God exterminated the vast majority of the human race at the time.

I can't even imagine how Noah and his family felt. Everything and everyone gone. Parents, siblings, friends, everybody died that day.

I wonder how God felt? It's even harder to fathom.

Why did God create a race that for the most part he was going to kill off? Only the DNA of a few people made it through to make us who we are today.

I don't know the answers to any of this. I do know that this story fits the pattern of the beatitudes really well. I did a post a while ago that has some of my thinking on it.

God, help me to understand you, and learn from what I read in your word. I don't really get this story, but I trust you are a good God.

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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Noah - Poor in Spirit

The story of Noah is a hard one to understand. Once I get past the mental picture of the ark and animals, I realize its a story of great evil, death and a restart of mankind.

All of mankind was poor in spirit:

The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created - and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground - for I regret that I have made them.” But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

The story is clear about how bad people were at that time, and that Noah was the only good one.

I'm fascinated that God regretted his decision to make mankind. Some versions say God repented.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, or change his mind, or regret anything. If he knew all that would happen, how did he come to this point, deciding to kill almost everyone?

I think God is not definable. He is, for the most part, unknowable while I'm here on earth. I only see little glimpses that give me clues to how he thinks. To try to bring him down to my level, where he made a bad decision that he tried to fix, is foolish.

I like this quote from Einstein: "I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details."

So I accept that this was the way God decided to work it out. He didn't wipe out everyone, he kept the best seed for planting - Noah. Mankind would survive and  grow.

God, forgive me for all the evil I have done. Thank you for creating me and allowing me to live. I want to know your thoughts, even just a few of them.

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Mondays | Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

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Miracles - Peacemaker

The seventh miracle John wrote about was Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, which corresponds to the seventh beatitude recorded by Matthew. This is a long passage, but I will keep all of it here for clarity...

On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

“Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

Jesus wept.

Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
Jesus Raises Lazarus From the Dead

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

I think the whole reason for this miracle was for Jesus to demonstrate that he truly had power over life and death. He could actually bring peace between us and God. I think he needed to do this before he left to give his followers the courage and strength to survive.

Even though Jesus knew he could bring Lazarus back, he still cried in pain with his friends. I think he was reacting to their sorrow, being sad for what they had gone through.

Why did these people have to suffer, even for a short period of time? I don't know. I do know that pain and suffering are shown all over the bible as part of God's plan.

God, thanks for my son Josh, who read through a lot of my writing and was willing to talk with me about what he saw. I value his input and perspective. I love him.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Miracles - Pure Heart

The sixth miracle John wrote about was Jesus healing a man who was born blind, which corresponds to the sixth beatitude recorded by Matthew:

Jesus spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam”. So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

His neighbors and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, “Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?” Some claimed that he was.

Others said, “No, he only looks like him.”

But he himself insisted, “I am the man.”

“How then were your eyes opened?” they asked.

He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.”

Once the guy is healed, the religious leaders start in on him. They don't like Jesus, and now they don't like this guy either.

The man answered, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”

To this they replied, “You were steeped in sin at birth; how dare you lecture us!” And they threw him out.

The guy is being honest with them about what happened, and they can't stand it. They kick him out of their church, probably to send a message to everyone else. Jesus finds him a bit later...

Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

“Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”

Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.

I like this miracle. It's very straightforward. The man was honest and didn't waver under pressure - pure in heart - and he saw God. That I would do the same when I need to.

God, thanks for a good day of visiting Samantha at OSU. I love my daughter and appreciate her very much.

Thanks for the day on the mountain I had with Nathan yesterday. I really enjoyed the talks we had while driving there and back. He's becoming a man, and I love him.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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Miracles - Mercy

The fifth miracle John wrote about Jesus walking on the water, which corresponds to the fifth beatitude recorded by Matthew:

When evening came (after feeding the 5000), Jesus's disciples went down to the lake, where they got into a boat and set off across the lake for Capernaum. By now it was dark, and Jesus had not yet joined them. A strong wind was blowing and the waters grew rough. 

When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus approaching the boat, walking on the water; and they were frightened. But he said to them, “It is I; don’t be afraid.” Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading.

The disciples were involved in the miracle of feeding people earlier in the day. Jesus specifically made them a part of the process of showing mercy. Then he sends them out across the lake as it was getting dark - then he walks on the water out to them.

It looks like a set-up to me.

The disciples are in the dark and on stormy water, and I'm guessing in trouble. Jesus shows them he has full control over the very thing threatening them. He has the power to be merciful.

I often doubt God has enough control over the world to actually deliver mercy to me. This is something I will continue to work on changing.

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A little note of caution before you read further: I'm pretty sure I'm not going nuts, and I'm going to go a bit longer than normal on this post...

Last week on Friday, I wrote about wishing I could extend my thoughts of kindness to Caleb (link). Last night I had a dream about him, the first since he died. The dream consisted of me seeing him, talking with him, hugging him, and then it ended. I don't even remember exactly what I said, but it was kind and he smiled that great smile.

What does this mean? I don't know.

Was it from God? I don't know. He knows I had it, that's all I can say.

Am I happy I had it? Yes. It gave me a good feeling - in my dream I acted as I hoped I would.

This is the best I can come up with: I have committed myself to a weekly cycle in my interactions with God. I have seen it play itself out on a number occasions, this being one of them. Last Friday I came to the decision in my heart that I would pursue kindness, and this small confirmation came to me this Friday, by God's mercy.

Is this going to become a big milestone for me? No. I don't want to talk about my dream, I want to talk about God and his goodness.

Here are some things I see in the word about this:

This weekly routine is what I think God wants for me. I have no direction for anyone else. Paul wrote: One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord.

I will not get wrapped up in dreams. In the Torah: Do not practice divination or seek omens.

God, thank you for being merciful to me. Help me to show mercy.

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Fridays | Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

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Miracles - Hungry for Righteousness

The fourth miracle John wrote about was Jesus feeding the 5000, which corresponds to the fourth beatitude recorded by Matthew:

Some time after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee, and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the signs he had performed by healing the sick. Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Festival was near.

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”

Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world.” Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.

Many of these people followed Jesus because they wanted good to happen. They were sick and injured, and they were looking for healing. They wanted their kids, spouses, parents, friends to be made well. What a good desire - to be made whole, for things to be made right.

I don't know how much healing went on, as it's not written down. But Jesus comes to the point where he supernaturally feeds all these people. He shows them all that he is indeed God.

Just for consideration: the fourth statement in the Lord's Prayer is "Give us our daily bread". Interesting to think about how all this fits together...

God, fill me me with these good things: kindness, compassion, forgiveness, love for others. 

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Thursdays | Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

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Miracles - Meekness

The third miracle John wrote about was a lame man laying near a pool, which corresponds to the third beatitude recorded by Matthew:

Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie - the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked...

... Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

This is an interesting story. From what I have read, every so often an angel would "stir the water" and whoever was the first in the pool would get cured. Sounds kind of wild - like a biblical game show - I'll leave that alone for now.

The man in this story is the picture of powerlessness. He can't walk in a city that's on a hill - there are stone stairs everywhere. He has no friends that will help him in the water. When Jesus asks him if he wants to get well, he can't even say "yes", instead he complains about his situation.

Jesus speaks to him twice.

The first time he heals his body, so he can walk. Jesus doesn't ask him any probing questions or make obscure statements. He doesn't even wait for the "yes", he just does it. The man is now mobile - he has gained access to the city he's never been able to walk through. He inherits a little bit of the earth.

The second time Jesus focuses on his soul. Even a lame person should have friends and be able to interact. I think Jesus is getting at this greater issue. This man needs to change his heart, or he will miss the whole point of his pain and healing.

God, there are areas in my life where I seem powerless to change - mainly my ego. I'm lame, locked into a single position, only able to complain about it. Like this guy, I guess I wait for an angel to come and zap me with the solution. I need to be healed, then get up and walk. Come and heal me.

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Wednesdays | Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

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Miracles - Mourning

The second miracle John wrote about is Jesus healing a man's son, which corresponds to the second beatitude recorded by Matthew:

Once more Jesus visited Cana in Galilee, where he had turned the water into wine. And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum. When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death.

“Unless you people see signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe.”

The royal official said, “Sir, come down before my child dies.”

“Go,” Jesus replied, “your son will live.”

The man took Jesus at his word and departed. While he was still on the way, his servants met him with the news that his boy was living. When he inquired as to the time when his son got better, they said to him, “Yesterday, at one in the afternoon, the fever left him.”

Then the father realized that this was the exact time at which Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.” So he and his whole household believed.

This was the second sign Jesus performed after coming from Judea to Galilee.

The official was facing the death of his son, so of course he was mourning. He was begging Jesus to save his son's life.

The initial response Jesus gave to him is kind of hard for me to make sense of. I think he is stating a fact, more than trying tell the man he had done something wrong. He may be saying "belief in God is more important than life and death" - but I need to think about it more.

Regardless of what Jesus's real message was, he healed the man's son. In the end, the man and his family came to belief as well. I like to think they were comforted on two levels: the immediate and the eternal.

God, I know what it means to mourn. I also know what it means to receive comfort from you directly and from the people around me. Even in the midst of all the chaos, thank you for caring for me and my family - not only for now, but also eternity.

God, be with my wife Becky and the kids. Forgive their sins, be near to them, and give them comfort.

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Tuesdays | Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

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Miracles - Poor in Spirit

The book of John has seven miracles listed in it. While reading through them a couple of years ago, I realized that they matched the seven beatitudes recorded in the book of Matthew. This was the beginning of my understanding that God works in the same pattern over and over in the Bible.

The first miracle is Jesus changing water into wine:

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

“Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine.He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

There a number of interesting things going on here, but I'm going to focus on the people Jesus helped out.

• They ran out of wine. Why?
• They invited too many guests. Why?
• They wanted to look richer than they actually were. Why?
• They were "poor in spirit" - and they over extended themselves.

So Jesus shows up and not only bails these people out of an embarrassing situation, he makes them look look even richer than people already thought. They didn't ask him to - he took the signal from his mom and blessed these people.

I think within God's kingdom, I'm richer than I can imagine. I'm not limited by money or success or anything. I know God shows up and takes care of me, even when I don't ask.

I'm also poor in spirit - I can see myself in this story. I exaggerate the truth to make things look bigger than they are. I'm often not satisfied with the reality I have, so I have to make it better and more interesting. I really want people to think I'm "richer" than I am - thinking that it will make my life better. God, forgive me.

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Mondays | Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.

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God's Blessing and Peace

This is a follow-up to my post on Friday about kindness.

I have been thinking about how I will daily tell my family how much they mean to me. I will try to deal with them as if today is all I have. After consideration, that's not enough.

I'm not their God.

They need his blessing, forgiveness and unconditional love - even more than mine. But for reasons I don't fully understand, he wants me to speak for him. I think it's for both their benefit and mine...

The Lord said to Moses, “Tell Aaron and his sons, ‘This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’

“So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them.”

I want to daily put God's name on my family, I want him to bless them, and I want him to give them peace. This sounds good, but I think this is going to be hard work.

From the writer of the book of Hebrews:

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.

Why is speaking a sacrifice? What am I giving up?

For me, it's the same reason praying out loud every day is way more difficult than thinking it in my head. Something about speaking introduces a whole different reality. Putting God in the right position is hard for me to do a lot of the time.

God, help me to bless my family. Give them peace.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Kindness

I have been traveling, so I didn't have time to do regular posting as I had hoped. I did have time to think though, and I hope some better writing will come of it.

All week I have thought about kindness: how important it is, how I admire it others, and how I have often lacked it.

I would give a year – no, five years – of my life to have ten minutes face-to-face with my son Caleb today. What would I hope to convey in those few minutes? Kindness. I would aim to only express my love and appreciation to him for being my son. I pray I wouldn't waste it on questions of “why” or my own feelings of hurt and loss. My own concerns now seem like garbage compared to the opportunity to show love and kindness.

With that thought in mind, how should I act towards Becky, Josh, Samantha and Nathan who are here with me right now? It’s easy for me to think about the idyllic bargain, to see the son who has died one last time in this life and convey a message from my heart. It’s hard to think beyond that to how I will live every day in reality, not fantasy.

When I think of the people I have known, there are many great attributes that come to mind: skill, intelligence, diligence, humor, leadership, faith, generosity, honesty. As I have thought about these people, the one trait that rises to top each time is kindness. How kind are they? How much do they give of themselves? Do the people around them feel loved, appreciated and respected?

These are new thoughts for me. I have not spent my life working towards being thought of as kind. I have tried to be seen as focused, intelligent, hard-working, funny, a good friend, faithful to my family, committed to God – but never kind.

It’s not that I haven’t been kind at times, but I have always thought of kindness as a commodity to be traded in the pursuit of these other things. When Caleb died, part of me died – and now in a sense, that part of me must be born again into something new. I think God wants it born into kindness. It’s one of the main qualities that people have spoken of and wrote about regarding Caleb, so it’s fitting that I need to grow into it and carry it on.

Paul said: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

I need to start with my family. I want to have that “last conversation” of love and kindness daily with them, for as long we are together.

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Fridays | Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

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Jonah - Peacemaker

The story of Jonah runs out, and he never changes his heart to be a peacemaker. So I will make a few interesting (at least to me) observations I had over the week.

God's plans don't always work the way he wants. I say this from my limited perspective - no disrespect to God intended. He wanted Jonah to change, but that didn't happen.

The idea that God won't use me unless I'm willing is false. He forced Jonah to do the job, as an absolutely unwilling participant. He is God, I am not.

Jonah had a change of heart while he was in the fish, but it didn't last. I don't even know if I would call it a "change of heart". I think the parable Jesus gave explains it well:

“Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 

When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 

The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 

The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 

But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

I think Jonah was someone with "no root" on this issue. I wonder if God's small demonstration to him about the plant having its root eaten away had some deeper meaning in it. I also like the parallel between this parable and the idea that the "word of God" came to Jonah and he had a lot of trouble with it, so he fell away from what he said inside the fish.

So at the end of this week, I'm amazed at how God put so much together to try to get to the heart of this man. Throughout the drama of the story, God is persistent in trying to get Jonah to change and grow.

Did Jonah get it? No.
Did God give up? No.

God thank you for being with me, even when I don't get it and my roots are shallow. Thank you for your persistence in making peace.

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Sundays | Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

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Jonah - Pure in Heart

So far in the story, it's obvious that God doesn't need Jonah to change the Ninevites. This story is about God trying to change Jonah's heart.

After God forgives the people, he talks with Jonah...

But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”

Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant, and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”

He doesn't answer God's question. He is unwilling to take that first step toward changing his heart - it's easier to die. So God simplifies things to get the conversation moving forward, by focusing on a plant.

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”

Jonah is not going to give in, and the story abruptly ends here. In the past I have thought that maybe a final chapter was lost over the years. I can see know that this is a fitting ending - since Jonah won't engage with God, so there is nothing more to say.

My conclusion so far: God will manipulate my circumstances to get me to change, but he won't force a change in my heart. That's up to me. I think this is where my "free will" comes in to play.

• Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. - Viktor Frankl 

Rather than my own prayer to God, I'll quote one from King David: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

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Saturdays | Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

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