Tuesday - Mustard Seed

Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

Tuesdays: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

This is the hard part of the process - being planted. The little seed is put into the ground. It becomes separated and alone. It has to "die".

No death, then no life.

Jesus said: Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

King David said: Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.


God looks as me in this state and says, "You're blessed. You're lucky. You're experiencing loss and pain, but comfort will come." 

I think God looked at the earth on the second day of creation and said "I have pulled you apart, but it will be good in time."

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God, I'm mourning huge loss - part of me has died. I don't want to be destroyed by this. I don't want my family, my world to be destroyed - and it feels like that could happen. I feel like I have fallen to the ground and I'm buried.

God you have sent so many people to me, to us, to give comfort. I know you want us to have faith in you and our future. I believe you will take a bad situation and turn it for good. Please see us through.

God, forgive the sins of my family - me, my wife and my kids. Be near us.

Monday - Mustard Seed

Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

Mondays: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

That single seed  in it's present state is not 100% worthless, but pretty close. It can't do anything until someone comes along to plant it. I guess you could eat it - not much food or flavor there.

God has looked at me and seen me this way, but he says to me "You're blessed. You're lucky. Regardless of your current state, you have a future."

I think God looked at the earth on the first day of creation and said, "you're formless and void, but you have a future."

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God, these last four weeks have been the hardest of my life. In some ways, it feels like years since Caleb died. In other ways it seems like hours. Time is all screwed up for me right now - it's hard to keep my bearings straight.

God, forgive me for all I've done wrong and for everything I've missed. I need you.

Peacemaker Steve

On Sundays I meditate on this saying of Jesus: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.   

Here is Steve, one of my buddies and a man I really respect. I got to sit in on Steve's small group of 4th graders at church this morning.

Steve is holding a rubber snake and a sledgehammer. He smashed the snake's head flat - which of course the kids loved. Me too. 

What's he trying to teach?

After the serpent deceived Adam and Eve, and they ate the fruit they weren't supposed to, God said: Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust  all the days of your life. and I will put enmity  between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.

Sounds cryptic.

The main point: the offspring (Jesus) will crush the serpent (Satan) at some point in the future. Steve explained that this is the reason Jesus came to earth - to set in motion the end of evil, where only goodness will remain, and we will be with God.

Paul encouraged the early followers of Jesus with this same idea: The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.

Obviously God doesn't see "soon" the same way I do. None the less, He will ultimately get rid of evil and we will live in peace with Him.

Do I believe all this is true, and it's not just a myth? I'd be crazy not to. Every time I read the bible and put what it says into practice, my life gets better.

Do I understand why it all has to be this way, why evil needs to be here now? Not really - but I'm trying to.

Why does Steve spend his time teaching kids this stuff? Because he's a peacemaker. He wants to see these kids have the chance to get connected to God. I've known him a long time - and I know he genuinely loves them.

Blessed is Steve Irvine, for he will be called a child of God.

Filled with Right

Thursday has become the day I look forward to in my weekly prayer routine. I move from three days of considering the gap between God's greatness and my lack of it, to three days of focusing on being made in the image of God and how He helps me express it.

The first part of the week is in the darkness, and the last part is in the light. On the first six days of creation, God says: there was evening, and there was morning. I think I need both in my life to understand Him. I need to be both hungry and to be filled.

The 4th blessing by Jesus: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 

I want to be filled with the right stuff - but I don't often know what the right stuff is. Jesus talked about this: 

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee (good guy) and the other a tax collector (bad guy). 

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

It's easy for me to start thinking I know all about right and wrong. I know some things about it, but  I often get judgmental and miss the whole point.

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God, I'm missing a lot of good things inside. I want to be filled with things that are truly right - not religious nonsense, self promotion or judgement on others. I'm looking forward to you helping me with it.

Am I Obedient?

Book of Genesis: through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.

Book of Exodus: Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.

Book of Joshua: Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.

Book of 1 Kings: And may your hearts be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands.

Book of Job: If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

Book of Psalms: I will always obey your law, for ever and ever.

Book of Luke:  As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

Book of John: Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them."

Book of Romans: For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.

Book of 1 John: Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them.

All of this in light of God's grace:

Book of Ephesians: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.

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It's a hard question to ask myself: Am I obedient to God? I'm not talking about just some of the things I do or don't do. Am I living the life He designed for me? I really can't answer this question with any certainty right now. I do intend to find out... 

God, please forgive me for all I've done wrong. Forgive my wife and kids for all they have done wrong. Take away the resulting burdens we carry. Come close to us, even if we are far off.

Where am I God?

Job - a person who God said was good in everything he did - gets everything taken away: health, family, possessions, position. After sitting silent for a week, Job starts to talk about his pain. He comes to the point where he basically asks "God, where are you? I can't find you."

Job said: But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

After a lot of discussion between Job and his friends, God finally speaks out of a storm.

He said: Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?

After Job had lost everything and suffered so much, why does God start out by essentially yelling at him? I think its matter of Job's attitude. God is saying "I have always been in the right where I belong, where are you?" 

This goes back to the first "where are you?" in the Bible.

In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve fail, then they go into hiding. God comes near to them as asks, "Where are you?" I think the implication is clear.

So today, on a Monday, when I consider: Blessed are the poor in spirit,  for theirs is the kingdom of heaven, I need to ask "God, where am I? Help me find the right place to be." No matter what has happened to me, God is solid and not moving, and I need to get my bearings from him.

God is not just an angry, demanding deity. He does want me to "get it", but He's also there for me, wanting to help. Jesus said: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Sunday - Loss

It's Sunday, and I normally try to focus on peace with God.

Today, I'm feeling an overriding sense of loss and regret over my son, Caleb. I wish I could rise above it, but I don't think that's going to happen right now.

I know God is in control. I don't like everything He allows to happen - but where else can I go? He holds my life and all the lives of the people I know in His hands. I know He cares and grieves with me. I wish I understood all of this - I wish He would make it more clear. Right now, all I understand is sadness.

From Psalm 34: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. This is me.

I miss you.

Closing the Gap with Mercy and Forgiveness

On Fridays, I consider the fifth Beatitude and fifth Statement in the Lord's Prayer:
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

These two statements by Jesus are really similar: Those that receive mercy and forgiveness also give it. In both passages, these are the only points where Jesus states "you will get the same thing you give". Or maybe he meant "you will give that same thing you get". Or maybe both.

What are mercy and forgiveness all about? Connecting to God and others - closing the gaps between us.

There are gaps in all my relationships - some big, some small. Some come from me doing something wrong, or not doing what I should. Some come from other people's failures. Some come from misunderstanding, even when no one did anything wrong. Some just come from lack of attention over time.

What if I always wait for others to approach me to fix things? Where will I end up?

What if everyone waited to be approached? Obviously, nothing would ever get resolved. We would all be waiting for the other guy to show up and either ask for forgiveness or show us mercy. The longer we waited, the worse things would get. Eventually we would all live in our own private, insulated versions of hell.

For mercy and forgiveness to work, I have to take the initiative. I have to go to people who feel I've done something wrong and ask for forgiveness. I have to go to people I think have done something wrong to me with an attitude of mercy. I guess we all should take the initiative, but I can only focus on and control me. 

So if you read this, pray for me to strive to close the gaps. I want to be part of an open, connected version of heaven here on earth.

Today

All I have is Today.

On Thursdays, I think about the fourth statement of the Lord's prayer: Give us today our daily bread. Jesus taught us to ask God for what we need for today only, not for what we need in the future. In the same sermon, Jesus explicitly said: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

On the fourth day of creation, God creates the "today" that we are supposed to live in: And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” 

So God created this time period called "today" and asks us to focus on it - and that's enough. 

The writer of Hebrews states: See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Worrying about the future only leads me down the wrong path (sin) and I end up missing the greatness that God is offering me today.

Paul wrote: In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. There are things that must be done today to stay on the right path.

Today is this little slice of eternity we get to experience now. At the renewal of all things, God takes away the sun and moon and makes it a continuous "today" - see the end of of the book of Revelation for the story. I don't understand how this works, but it makes some sense to me.

It's hard for me to only focus on today. It's easy for me to get eaten up with worry about what might come and avoid what must be done. In my experience, this has only derailed me from living the way I want to. This  isn't only a "Christian" idea - it permeates humanity. Some examples:

• You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. - Henry David Thoreau 
• Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha 
•  Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. - Marcus Aurelius Antonin

I've Seen God

On Saturdays, I consider the 6th Beatitude: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

I'm in no way implying that I'm pure in heart. But my wife, Becky and I discussed all the occurred this past week - and we feel like we have done what God has asked of us. So for one week out of 2,600, I think I did all that I was supposed to do (I could easily be wrong).

But we did get to see God...

Paul said: Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

He also said: If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Over the past week and a half we have had so many people reach out to help us. They have comforted us, brought us food, prayed with us, called to see how we are doing, offered to run errands, flew to meet our daughter, and just about anything else you can imagine. God didn't show up like lightning out of the clouds, He showed up in His people. We have experienced so much goodness - I don't know how I'm ever going to express appreciation to everyone. 

Also on Saturdays, I consider the part of the creation story where God created us: So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

From this, I believe that when we see people doing good, we see an image of God.

God's will be done

I was thinking a lot today about "God's will be done" (my thoughts on Wednesdays)

In light of what I have been through in the past week, this can seem pretty harsh: God will do what he is going to do, regardless of what we want - just suck it up. Your son is gone, accept it. 

True, God is in charge, but the concept goes way beyond this simple idea. God has the power and influence to do anything He wants, how He wants, and when He wants - but shares some of it with us.

In the creation story, on the third day, He sets the boundaries of the land, making the earth habitable for us. Similarly, for the the third beatitude Jesus teaches "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." What does all this mean to me? I think God has his agenda, but also wants us to be partners in it, with our own influence. He owns the space, and we can do something with it.

So, what can we do? We can put our "stamp" on the tragedy. We can reach out, be transparent, care about others - maybe with eternal influence (By the way, I'm not sure how all this works). I truly believe if we are willing to step up, we can have a hand in making good out of bad. 

Why didn't He use his power to avert this? When I find out, I'll let you know. He didn't stop Cain killing Abel (get rid of the good one, leave the bad one - not the way I would do it), or David killing Uriah, or people killing Jesus, or Adam and Eve eating the fruit, or Israel botching it up lots of times. I don't have the answers on this - just observations: in each case He helped make good out of bad. 

As I'm writing this, the fact that Jesus was raised on the third day comes to mind. God's power over death was demonstrated, so we can inherit eternal life. There are so much alignment in the bible, it gets hard to take it all in.

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As I got home today, the clouds moved away and I got to look at Mt. Hood for a few minutes before dark. This was one of my favorite places to be with my son.

Pain and Hope

I lost my son this week. I found out he died on Tuesday, November 6. It's indescribable pain - I won't even try to deal with it here, it would do it no justice.

But I have hope for many reasons. Just one of those reasons is the post I wrote a couple of weeks ago on October 23 about my spiritual practice on Tuesdays. I reread it this morning and realized it was God's spirit writing a note to me in my own hand, which is really hard to fathom. Why would He do this? Because He loves me, my son and my family. 

Click the link to go to it.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Desire and Rule

I'm continually drawn back to read the creation account and other stories in the first part of Genesis. I think all the main themes of the entire Bible are found in the first few chapters. 

I noticed a really interesting repetition between the stories of The Fall and Cain killing Abel.

Once Adam and Eve failed by eating the fruit that gave knowledge, God said to Eve: “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;with painful labor you will give birth to children.Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” 

Using the same words, God warns Cain to change his bad attitude. He said:“Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

In both cases, there is the "desire and rule" relationship.

In the first case, I think this signifies the power struggle that will go on in a marriage. The two will be together, but each will try to exert their control over the other. Rather than a natural tendency to cooperate, there will be some level of struggle. Just look around, and it's pretty easy to see this going on.

What I find interesting is the second case. Basically, God is saying to Cain, "If you don't change, you and sin will have a marriage relationship, with the accompanying struggle. You must live with it, and you have to exert your will over it." Cain ended up killing his brother - so he decided to get married to sin.

I think God is indicating that some sin is a one-way trip. If we go down certain roads, we can't come back the same. After Cain kills Abel, God tries to start a dialog with him, but Cain will have nothing to do with it - he has chosen his path. This is hugely negative outcome with no "happy ending", and serves as a warning.

On the positive side, I think God wants a "desire and rule" relationship with us: our desire is to be for Him, and He is to rule over us. This is what we were made for...

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.

Sunday - Peace

On Sundays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The seventh statement in the Lord's Prayer; The seventh Beatitude; The seventh day of creation:

- Everything belongs to God for forever
- I want to make peace
- God rests from his work and calls the day holy

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When I make peace, I partner with God

The ultimate goal is to partner with God - to do things in full alignment with Him. The definition of peace is not just lack of conflict, but a time of fruitfulness, rest and enjoyment. On the last day of the week, my will converges on to God's will. 

Looking back on the week, God wants me to recognize my chaos and come out of it, pursue doing good, and finally bring peace and rest to people. That peace isn't just for a single day, but lasts for eternity.

Today I just talk with God and enjoy his presence.

Saturday - Evil and Good

On Saturdays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The six statement in the Lord's Prayer; The sixth Beatitude; The sixth day of creation:

- God, keep me away from tempation and evil
- I want to be pure in heart and see God
- God creates the land animals and mankind. He tells Adam and Eve to fill the earth and take care of it.

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My influence is good, and God will expand it

On the third day (three days ago), my thoughts were about how my influence fails - and today I consider how my influence succeeds and brings about good. For my influence and power to bring about good, I have to be pure in heart and not tempted into doing evil. I ask God to keep me away from the things that can derail me and then cause corruption.

In the creation story, God creates man and grants him power over the earth. The control man receives is to do good and provide care.

Today, I pray for the world.

Friday - Mercy and Forgiveness

On Fridays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The fifth statement in the Lord's Prayer; The fifth Beatitude; The fifth day of creation:

- God forgive me as I forgive others
- I want to be merciful and receive mercy 
- God creates the fish and birds and gives his first blessing to them - the first relationship described in creation.

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My relationships are good, and God will build them up.

On the second day, the focus is on how my relationships are not right. Today, the fifth day, the focus is on how they are right, and how I can make them even better. In creation, yesterday God set up his first relationships, today He sets up His first friendships.

Forgiveness and mercy are critical to keeping my relationships in tact. I need to be close to God and feel like I can approach Him. If there is no forgiveness from Him, what am I left with? Nothing but distance, guilt and loss. He knows that and reaches out to me - and requires that I do the same to others.

I think forgiveness & mercy are not just about letting things go. These concepts are about building friendship and connection - in other words, blessing others. It's not passive, but involves actively seeking how to solidify my relationships.

Specifically, today I pray for my church and other organizations that are reaching out to others to extend God's love - both by doing good and sharing His message.

Thursday - Hunger and Filling

On Thursdays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The fourth statement in the Lord's Prayer; The fourth Beatitude; The fourth day of creation:

- God please fill me with what I need
- I'm hungry for good, and will be filled
- God fills the sky (the void) with sun, moon and stars to mark time.

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My heart is hungry for good, and God will fill it.

After spending the first three days of the week considering how I'm in chaos, I now move to three days of being in a good state. I focus on growth and giving to others. I think the void in the creation story can signify the void I have inside of me. There are times I really want things to be right and good - especially with my kids.I get hungry for good to come - both in what I receive and what I can do.

Specifically, I pray for all those people I believe are not connected to God. I don't presume to know anything about someone's heart - I only know what I see. I also don't pray that they would "become like me", but rather that God would approach them and bless them.

Wednesday - Weakness and Power

On Wednesday, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The third statement in the Lord's Prayer; The third Beatitude; The third day of creation:

- God's in control, and I want that to continue
- I'm powerless, and in need of help
- God orders the earth

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My influence is in chaos, and God wants to set things right.

The first day is about my heart (the core). The second day is about relationships (the next level). The third day of the week is about power and influence (the final level). All three days focus on being in a state of chaos and want, where God shows up to help and take care of us.

This is a day to consider how I lack the power to make any real changes in my world. I'm "meek" with little influence over my surroundings. God, on the other hand has full power over the earth, and sets up the boundaries on the third day. He creates the "earth" that the "meek will inherit". So God promises that his good influence will eventually come - which I think is the intent of praying "your will be done". If I want to have real power, I need to align myself with his agenda.

Today I pray specifically for my close friends and extended family. I try to thank God for each of these people in my life and ask him to bless them - in whatever form that takes.

Tuesday - Separation and Connection

On Tuesdays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The second statement in the Lord's Prayer; The second Beatitude; The second day of creation:

- God's kingdom is coming to bring us together
- I'm separated from God and others, and in need of help
- God separates out part of creation - the only day of creation He doesn't call good.

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My relationships are in chaos, and God wants to change them.

This is a day to be in the wilderness where I'm alone. I hope that I can be more connected to God, but I understand that sometimes he will be there, and other times not. The Bible is filled with stories where He is very close at times and then far away. I realize this isn't a popular belief, but I think an accurate, biblical one.

I desire to be connected to others, but I realize it often doesn't work out. I try to face the loss for things I have done wrong and failed to do right towards the people I know. There are some relationships I can work on to fix, and others where no change is possible. 

Even God seems to dislike like the concept of separation - but is willing to use it as part of the growth process, showing it on the second day of creation. This is the essence of Jesus coming to earth and being fully rejected by God to remedy the evil we have done. This is where my comfort comes from.

Specifically, I pray for my close family: my wife and kids. I ask God to forgive their sins and make them clean. I want their burdens of sin to be taken away, purely by God's grace. Should I ask God to forgive them like this? Is it appropriate?

Job was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and three daughters... Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

If you see any brother or sister commit a sin that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give them life.

Monday - Darkness and Light

On Mondays, three ideas come together in my spiritual practice: The first statement in the Lord's Prayer; The first Beatitude; The first day of creation:

- God is in his kingdom and He is holy
- I'm in darkness and in need of help
- God enters into the darkness and announces, "Let there be light."

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My heart is in chaos, and God wants to change it.

Today is a day of focusing on God's greatness and my lack of it. This is about my heart and its condition. I split my thoughts into worshiping God for who he is, confessing my failings for who I am, and being thankful he reached out to me. I start my week trying (emphasis on trying) to be honest with God and myself.

For the past months I've been attempting to confess my sins - not that I'm a sinner, but the specifics of where I fail, why I fail and the impact it has.
- Thinking "I'm a sinner' is not very difficult. For me it's a cop-out.
- Saying my failings out loud, along with my motivations and how I think it's impacted others is a killer - and very effective.

Every Monday has it's moments of pain, but it's worth it. I love this practice, as I have never before felt honest in front of God. It's not as if he doesn't already know everything - this is an exercise in honesty and self-acceptance. I started this practice after listening to a series of sermons by Hassan Boyle on 1 John 1:9.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.