Last week a friend of mine was telling me about his wife's experience in a grief class. He made the comment, "They make it clear in the class that the length and amount of grief over someone dying is not a measure of faith. It's a complicated process, and the last thing people need is to feel guilty if it's going slower than they feel it should."
As I was telling him how I could now understand it after this past month, it immediately became clear to me how much damage I had done to Becky, my wife. I was horrified.
Becky's mentor of over 15 years had passed away a few years ago. After a very short period of time, I told her that she should rely on her faith and not grieve so much. At this time I was sure I was "speaking the truth".
After thinking about it, I knew that I had made a mistake, but I had no clue how wrong I was. I only saw the tip of the iceberg. Now I know the real hurt I caused. What an idiot.
My own pain cleared my mind. I fell off the iceberg, into the freezing water, and I saw how big it was underneath. As soon as I could, I told Becky how sorry I was and asked for her forgiveness.
CS Lewis: “Nothing will shake a man - or at any rate a man like me - out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.” ― A Grief Observed
These are not the kind of revelations about myself I look forward to having. The wilderness and captivity are really painful, but it's where God sends people to get them to repent.
Jesus said: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
John said: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
God, forgive me. I need to repent.
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